Browse Abuse and Recovery

I spent a lot of time walking around Houston in the middle '80s with many of the symptoms of PTSD, and didn't know it. I was having flashbacks - of occurrences I didn't remember. I felt like the man in the Bou e Identity with amnesia, who was getting glimpses of his past - a past he could not recall. Sometimes it was like feeling memories - like I was somewhere else living through something. But I had no idea what was going on, and it was terribly frustrating and confusing.

When they first flutter across your path, red flags are so small and benign, you may hardly notice them. In hindsight, you may swear at yourself for not paying attention to them because of what they later reveal. Red flags are subtle signals that show up when something is not quite right. They vary by type and extent across every kind of relationship. The bad news is, they’re counter-intuitive; that is, your age, logic and intuition will not serve you.

For ACoAs- (Adult-Children of alcoholics, abusers, abandoners & other narcissists) ACoAs know how they would like their life to be: TO have a fulfilling career, loving relationships, less pressure, a little fun... and they try, struggle, obsess - but not much changes. They become more & more frustrated & depressed. They grew up around chaos addictions, criticism, rage, depression, abuse & neglect.

(Written September 20, 1988) We were in a house trailer just outside the Lindreth trading post, in northwest New Mexico. There were six of us on the hunt that year: My Dad and I; Morris - Dad's best friend, and his son Brad; Don - who owned the trailer and was to be our guide, and his son Chris. I had watched my Dad leave to go hunting each fall since I could remember, had seen the freezer filled with venison after he returned. Hunting was the time when the men gathered together. Brad and I were 12, and this was our first time to go along, even though we weren't to carry guns.

For the last two years I've been working to overcome the effects of damage done by my Grandmother, who we all called Mamaw. When I was 8 years old, she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said a famous writer, and she was appalled, and said "If you are a famous writer, they'll call you crazy and lock you up!" She reinforced that message by telling me the doctor she worked for as a nurse had confirmed that if I was a writer when I grew up, and went crazy from it, he could have me put into an insane asylum.

A good friend emailed me a while back and asked about my experience of the "inner child" on my road to healing. My inner child, who I called Little Danny, was an integral part of the book I had written, "Freedom's Just Another Word." My friend wondered if my experience of that inner child had changed over the years, or if that child was still a part of me in some ways. Here's how I characterized it:

How would you answer this question: I am out of my abuse and have moved on with my life. There is something that I have been wondering about. How and when does the abuse stop playing a significant part of my life? I have seen others who have moved on and I would like to know how they did it.nnThe woman who asked this, asked a valid question. There are many men, women and children who no longer are victims, but feel like they cannot leave it behind. It stays as much a part of

Written August 5, 1990 All I really wanted to say was "I'm sorry." I had said some hurtful things to my Father. But he had been dead for three years. How do make amends after they're gone? It wasn't perfect, not like him being there, but I was talking to him anyway. Just making up a conversation in my mind, inside my spirit. And answering for him - what I thought he would say. No, that's not quite true. Some of the things my Dad had said to me, but I could not hear them at the time, or at least, could not receive his words.

Alcoholism - To Sobriety - To Business Success - My Story I am a true believer that alcoholism is a disease and, unfortunately that disease was bestowed upon me. I started KAS Placement when I was 23 years old (I am 28 now) and began making a lot of money for somebody my age. I would spend it on luxuries which, today, I don't use such a multi-thousand dollar designer watch which I only wear about once a month these days. With initial business success came money and money buys

"Work place bullying and mobbing" is a little known phenomenon in the United States but is well known and addressed on many levels in several other countries, primarily The United Kingdom. Although most people in the United States are unfamiliar with the terms "work place bullying and mobbing" ...

Birth is a life-changing experience. Each birth brings with it a new and different set of experiences and feelings, but birth trauma can have serious and long-lasting effects. A Swedish study showed that those who have a traumatic and painful birth are more likely to end their life with violent suicide. The pain the infant experiences is an important factor. Birth trauma has also been linked to infant crying and resultant child abuse. In a survey of battered infants, eighty p

Having worked with many clients recovering from childhood emotional abuse, and having experienced it myself, I want to share my learning with you, in the hope that it will help you be well, feel good, be happy and create the life you desire and deserve.nnThe most important relationship you have in your life is the one with yourself, and if you have been emotionally abused, recovering that relationship with yourself is absolutely essential. nnIn fact, among the consequences of

1. Sticks and stones won’t break my bones” – and words won’t leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash. Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalise and believe it. When that happens

Breaking the spirit of people I am sad to say is an accepted method of control in our society. It is done in some cases as part of a regimen of discipline, by others unwittingly as they are not aware of their own destructive powers. People do it to other people and humans do it to animals. What does this actually mean? Well in order to exert influence, will, control, very harsh measures are taken to achieve a desired outcome in the person who it is being inflicted upon. The

"In the song ""The Gambler,"" Kenny Rodgers sang, ""You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run."" If that seems to sum up your job situation, then you may be wondering if you should quit or allow yourself to get fired. Here are some common situations and how you should handle them.nn1. I Need More MoneynNo one wants to feel overworked and underpaid. If this sounds like you, then perhaps it is time for a change. If you

Ending Baby Boomer Burnout : How to Stop Parenting Our Adult Children and Start Reclaiming Our Own Lives Holli Kenley “Both my 23 year old daughter and my 29 year old son have moved back home. I find myself doing more for them than for myself. I am exhausted, but they seem to need me.” “My 25 year old son who graduated from college is now living with us. He says he can’t find work anywhere, but he doesn’t even try. While he stays out partying all night and sleeping all day, I am working twice as hard to keep the bills paid! But, I just can’t kick him out!”r

In a previous article I talked about survivors who are unable to move on with their lives and/or having the attitude that everything that is wrong in their life is the result of another person. In that article it was discussed about how important forgiving yourself is so you can move on.nnSo where do you start? How can you find out if you are someone who has victim mentality? The first step is to listen to yourself. Are you blaming others in your life for all the distress in

Lack of "emotional safety" is the number one indicator of a potentially dangerous relationship. It may seem subtle, yet it is ever so significant with respect to your well-being.nnWhen you have emotional safety, it's palatable. You can feel it in every fiber of your being. When it's missing, you may feel its loss. Or, you may simply know of it not being there by the presence of these five glaring signs.nn 1) Not honoring your privacy nnIf something is in a drawer, it's in a d

When most people hear the word “abuse,” they think of bruises left from an angry person’s violent rage. Very few, though, understand the mental and emotional scars resulting from emotional abuse, and even fewer understand those which are caused by the lesser-know Narcissistic Abuse. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a difficult, and sometimes dangerous, disorder to deal with from the outside. The Narcissist lacks empathy, which makes the disorder even more baffling for th

-The man who quits his job because of harassment. -The woman whose husband stays out late at night repeatedly and tells her he is entitled to do what he wants. -The child whose parent tells him often “you are lazy”. What do these people have in common? All of them have relationships with bullies. Bullies can be anywhere, at work, at school, on the road (road rage), in the mall or in the family. Whether you are a bully yourself, a target of a bully or even a witness, abusive

It's 2009 and I recently saw a report on MSNBC about how the tough economic situation in the United States is contributing to a higher incidence of child abuse. You can find bad news all over the Internet. The statistics on child abuse show a little under a million children are victims of neglect and abuse each year in the U.S. In fact, while 3 million accounts of child abuse are reported annually in the U.S. each year, experts estimate the actual number of incidents is about

Normalcy bias is a natural, but uninformed response to the unknown, unrecognized risks in a situation. For 15 million women a year, it’s an incapacitating response to abuse in relationship. Normalcy bias can be described as inaccurate, inadequate thinking that makes things worse. It surfaces at the worst possible moment as a freeze or panic response—think deer in headlights or bull in a china shop—and it can lead to disaster.

Now deceased, Michael Jackson is more powerful than ever before. This story has made frontline news in all the world’s paper for 3 days straight now. No other news is seemingly is so captivating; not Jon and Kate, not US economic woes, not even the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Michaels’ death has suddenly revived his career. Yes, revived. In all likelihood, he may generate more money then he ever did alive. Already record stores, iTunes, and Amazon have experience enormo

Very few people in Connecticut are familiar with the terms “Work Place Bully and Mobbing” although according to the Workplace Bullying Institute’s - Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally.nn ...

When we are abused as children, we don’t get the protection and care that we deserve from our parents. We grow up not knowing what really good parenting is. My father was a charismatic character who had many good qualities, but also self-indulgent narcissistic ones that led him to abuse me sexually. My mother loved me, no doubt at all, but she was emotionally distant, depressed, and weak.

All of us have been emotionally hurt at one time or another—it doesn’t matter who and what you are, really. However, there are also people who seem so totally unreceptive to emotional pain. These are the type who doesn’t give a smack when someone tries to get close to them with a bit of an emotional bonding experience, and who rarely (if ever) attempt some kind of a smile. Maybe they have been badly burned or are just afraid of getting burned, so they build their little

The aftershock of narcissistic abuse, once pulling away from a narcissistic relationship is a phenomenon that is very little understood. The logical consensus, when leaving a narcissistic partner, is because the abuse has finished, an individual should start recovering. This belief is in fact highly inaccurate. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complicated Stress Disorder occurs when the immediate danger is over, the individual is out of survival mode and has the time to fee

At the commencement of the relationship, the Narcissist is a dream-come-true. He is often intelligent, witty, charming, good looking, an achiever, empathetic, in need of love, loving, caring, attentive and much more. He is the perfect bundled answer to the nagging questions of life: finding meaning, companionship, compatibility and happiness. He is, in other words, ideal. It is difficult to let go of this idealized figure. Relationships with narcissists inevitably and invari

LOVE vs FEAR? Fear is an emotion caused by either outer danger or inner false beliefs • Like so many popular ‘spiritual’ saying there’s some truth in it but NOT the whole story, so people can get easily confused & also misuse it. • Generally, this statement means that if we have enough love in our life, we won’t be afraid. Loved by a Higher Power, loved by family, love by pets, love by friends... Yes, these are to be desired & cultivated.

Did you know the signs of emotional verbal abuse are your friends if you recognize them for what they are?nnAn adult survivor of severe childhood abuse by her natural father plotted with her sister (also abused) to kill their parents in cold blood. The mother, who watched the children being abuse, took the first bullet and the abusive father the second.nnAs I'm watching this Law in Order story, I'm reminded of the mother's dilemma. Love, or leave 'em? Each of these options ca

This Anger Contract was my response to the events chronicled in my previous post, "The Betrayal." A bogus Intervention had been done to me, and had forced me to get in touch with deep anger that I had been trying to release for several years. I knew I needed to do something radical to handle the situation, to be able to process my anger, yet not hurt anyone in the process. I had prepared contracts as a part of my job, and it suddenly occurred to me to prepare this contract. I knew if I committed to this document, I would honor it.

The anti-social nature of drug addiction results in a "Life-Style". The addict becomes out-of-synch with the social structure in which he must live. Addicts begin to associate only with other addicts or drug dealers and then transcend into the subculture of drug use. Paranoia triggered by ...

We know it happens; yet when we see it, we’re in shock. And when we experience it, we’re numb. How can a family member, who once claimed to cherish you, plot to back you into a fabricated psychiatric label and sentence of craziness?nnThat is the question that dumbfounds anyone who walks in these shoes. Sadly, most victims of “crazy-making” don’t realize they are walking this path until the psychiatric doors are locked...until the psychotropic drugs are administered.

Are You A ‘Hopium Addict?’ If the question alone was enough to make you recoil in horror, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the term couldn’t possibly apply to you. You may not have heard the term before, but your reaction may be because you are a closet hopium addict. What is the definition of a hopium addict? ‘A hopium addict is someone who puts their own emotional needs on hold, while they wait for their partner to kick their addiction – be it to drugs, alcohol, gambling,

When you want to stop binge eating, you need to make a decision and change your old habits. Perhaps these habits have been around for years, but no matter how long they have been your fallback, you need to make changes and create new, positive habits for yourself. You need to end the pattern. When you want to stop binge eating, you need to make a decision and change your old habits. Perhaps these habits have been around for years, but no matter how long they have been your fallback, you need to make changes and create new, positive habits for yourself.

You are not his/her words, though it doesn’t feel that way when you are being abused. On a very deep level, you believe those words of disregard, disapproval, disrespect…even the ones that are absolutely foul.nnYet, in a more surface way, you claim not to buy that trash. You know those are just his/her words. And you’ve heard that the verbal abuse showered upon you is not about you.nnSo how can you bring all of you aboard to no longer feel the blow of verbal emotional a

YES, I WAS HURT BY MY FAMILY, but they were hurting too, poor things! This is a phrase I’ve heard over the years, & it always makes me mad. You may at first think this post is harsh or unfair, BUT please remember that everything our parents were - WE internalized into our Negative Introject. As long as we deny how harmful their actions were toward us - we will continue doing the same to ourselves, mistreat others AND be mistreated as well! (see posts on ‘The Introject’ & ‘Self-hate’). What does this phrase mean?r

What’s great about this little book is that it identifies all kinds of situations where people spontaneously regress into childish behaviors. Maybe a guy in the car behind me at a red light blows his horn and nudges forward as soon as the light turns green. His behavior makes me feel ridiculously helpless, because he mimics my father’s arbitrary anger. Or a friend calls to cancel a date and I spiral into fear that no one loves me. These out-of-control feelings are typical of regression.

Freedom is the key to joy and peace. Living alcohol and drug-free gives you the opportunity to experience true freedom, not the false high you get when drunk or high. There are many programs available to people who want to get sober but there are few programs available for those who want to live sober. We live in a world that glamorizes “social drinking.” There is very little social support or encouragement to live a clean and sober lifestyle. The following video portrays

Michael Jackson must have been under tremendous emotional stress in recent years. He went through a difficult trial. He had a strained relationship with his father. Additionally, being in the spotlight 24/7 can put tension on your emotional state. News reports imply that Michael may have had some chronic sleep problems. This would not be surprising, given his role of being one of the most famous entertainers in the world. It might be reasonable to expect that his earlier trial gave him some anxiety, as well. That could have also led to some depression.

Incest and Child Sexual Abuse: Definitions, Perpetrators, Victims, and EffectsnnnDefinition of Child Sexual AbusennChild sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity with a child by an adult, or by another child where there is no consent or consent is not possible; or by another child who has power over the child. By this definition, it is possible for a child to be sexually abused by another child who is younger than they are. nnSexual abuse includes, but is not limited to, s

Pepper Spray: When buying pepper spray the things that need to be looked at are the scoville heat units, percentage of pepper and oleoresin from capsicum plants. Remember mace is a name brand not a pepper spray. The product is as equal as any other name brand other than the components in it. Really not a good choice to buy for the reason 99% of mace brand pepper spray does not have oleoresin capsicum which is the leading ingredient that needs to be looked for when buying pepp

Gang / group rape is when an individual is raped by two or more persons. It has a high occurrence among teenagers and is usual motivated by adolescent boys with a strong sex drive.rnAs with most rapes, they are not reported due to trauma and shame. However gang rapes are normally more physically abusive and as a result the victims are more likely to seek medical assistance than other forms of rape. Group / gang rape victims suffer similar issues as regular rape victims: * Sha

How are you going to stop cyber bullying? I read many articles, newspapers, and talk shows where so-called experts are telling us all there is now a war against cyber bullying and how we can win that war? Oh please! Bullying has been happening since the beginning of time and in all cultures and nations. A war against cyber bullying will be as successful as the war against drugs. It’s a sad but realistic fact that cyber bullying exists and is spreading as fast as technology

Resources for understanding the true nature of domestic violence and emotional abuse and tools for healing. Teaches women how to spot an abusive man, how to recognize abusive, and abused behaviour as well as fast effective ways to step out of the victim mind-set once and for all.

Emerging from Broken delivers a powerful message of hope to those who have struggled with mental health issues such as all forms of depression, dissociated identity, physical, sexual, psychological and emotional abuse. We share how we went from surviving to thriving on the journey to wholeness ~ living life to the fullest.