Whether you’ve been married a year or a decade, you’ve probably discovered that sex can go stale, no matter how much you love your partner. Keeping sex hot in a monogamous relationship is a challenge—but can you think of a better one to tackle?
As any sex therapist will tell you, there really are differences between men and women when it comes to sex. As long as a man is still in good health, he generally needs little priming to get ready for sex. While that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy foreplay, just the thought of making love is enough to make him ready.
Women need more. They generally express the need to know that sex means more than just a physical release. Yes, physical release is good for women, but for women orgasm comes more easily and may even feel better if sex has some emotional meaning.
Sometimes men really don’t seem to understand how to make sex meaningful to their wife. Because a man sees the act of sex as an expression of love, he may not get what he needs to do to create trust and intimacy.
That is where the art of seduction comes in. To seduce someone means to entice them, to make the idea of sex very appealing. Seduction requires charm. You need to be clever, to make yourself not only attractive to your wife, but to attract her to you as well.
One way to seduce your wife is to let her know how much you love her. And I don’t just mean her chest or tush. I mean all of her. Tell her how much you love her face, her hands, the curve of her calf. Tell her you love her kindness and her laugh. Notice the things that made you first fall in love with her, and tell her that you still notice.
Another way to seduce her is to add some romance to your day. This is true most especially on a day that you are feeling in the mood for sex. You needn’t make a big gesture or spend a lot of money. Leave a little note someplace only she will see it (her makeup drawer, on top of her handbag). Or pour her a glass of wine or sparkling water and bring her a plate of cheese and fruit when she comes home at the end of the day.
The third important thing to remember if you want to seduce your wife is to start making love by touching her hands, arms, face, neck, and back before you move onto her more erotic areas. Most women need to be warmed up a bit before they like being touched in an intimate way. Touching and kissing your wife tenderly will show that you love and respect this about her.
These things may be small, but they are very important. And you can’t just do them once and expect her to be enchanted with you forever. You need to repeat, repeat, repeat. But not the exact same thing! Following a formula will just seem forced. You need to seduce your wife with love, from the heart.
Just because you’ve been together awhile doesn’t mean you should give up on doing all the things lovers do. You can get, and keep, your wife’s interest in sex if you know how to show her that you still love her and that sex means something to you, too.
Dr. Buehler is a psychologist, sex therapist, author, and speaker, and Director of The Buehler Institute in Southern California. And if you want more ideas on how to make sex more passionate, download Dr. Stephanie Buehler’s new e-book, Sexual Discoveries at yourpassionexpert.com.