When you panic, you allow fear to dictate your reaction and you end up pushing them away even more.

I have been there and I know that, for most of us, our first reaction after being dumped is to panic. That might be even putting it mildly. For some of us, it is to majorly freak out!

The one you love has blind sided you. They have yanked the rug from underneath you and you feel completely rejected. This person who knows you well and who you thought shared a genuine connection with you, has decided to walk their path without you. You might even feel that because of this intimate knowledge of you, this person chose to leave. As though you weren't worthy of their love.

If you are going through that right now, I want you to take a short break from your emotions. I want you to simply breathe and make that your focus for now. In a few moments, you may go back to the panic and sorrow, but for now, I just want you to consider a few perspectives that might help you to find peace and to see things more clearly.

Here are five reasons why you should stay calm after being dumped:

1. You Have Plenty of Time

You don’t have to win them back this moment or today. You don’t have to persuade your boyfriend or girlfriend to get back together with you immediately. The odds are, if you have been seriously dating this person for more than a couple of months, they can’t move on quickly anyway. Even if your ex wanted out of your relationship, they are still going to require time to find emotional balance and healing before they can even think of considering another person as a love interest.

So the panic you feel, while completely understandable, is unnecessary. As long as the two of you are living, there is hope of the two of you reuniting. For all you know, this breakup could end up being a blip on the radar of a lifetime in love.

2. What You Have Been Feeling is Psychologically Predictable.

What I mean is that by pulling away, this person has become even more attractive in your eyes. By breaking up with you, your now-ex has made themselves seem untouchable and that makes you want and desire them even more. I have literally sat with people who, one day, wanted to break up with someone but the following day desperately wanted that person back because the other person had left them first.

So understand that some of the reason you feel as you do is related to the hard-to-get phenomenon. It’s not necessarily because you want this person as bad as you think you do at this moment. I'm not questioning your love for them or your desire to be with them, I'm just saying that at the moment, that feeling that is already strong has become greatly magnified due to the circumstances.

3. If You Stay Away From Them and Allow Them to Truly Experience the Breakup, They Might Realize They Don't Want It

Whereas if you text, call, and go to their place to beg them back, you aren't allowing them to see what it’s like without you. If you believe your relationship was a good thing and had lots of wonderful moments, then stand on that. Back away and give your ex the opportunity to miss you. It sounds simple, but you might be surprised to learn that this simple strategy is often all it takes to cause them to come back. You also show them that you are a mature and considerate person in that you are not going to try to force something on them that they don't want. That's attractive in its own right.

4. By Not Making the Breakup a Dramatic Ball of Continual Stress For Them, You Prevent the Breakup Itself From Keeping Them Away

By that I mean that if your ex decides they want to come back, but then remembers how you acted when they wanted to break up, they might not want to try again because they don't want to risk going through the drama again with you if it doesn't work out.

So by making the breakup easy on them and by demonstrating maturity in the face of not getting your way, you allow the focus to be on the relationship itself.

Less Is More

By doing nothing to fight the breakup and by staying calm, you do even more than showing your ex that you are an impressive person who displays dignity and strength during a difficult time. In addition to that, you flip the tables on your ex and you become the one who appears to be somewhat untouchable. Why? Because when you don't reach out or contact them, they experience the same separation anxiety as you. They don't feel that you're just waiting around on them. Since you aren't chasing them, they're left to wonder what you are doing with out them. They have to actually consider the possibility that they may have blown it with you. This realization, that you so kindly allowed them to have simply by giving them the breakup they thought they wanted, can have powerful results.

5. You Save Yourself From Emotional Storms

I'm not saying you won't hurt from this breakup, but if you know that you're giving yourself the best chance possible to get this person back, you're going to have more moments of peace and fewer moments of hopelessness.

I hope you feel better at this point than you did when you first started reading and that you don’t see a reason to go back to panicking. But if you do, maybe read this article again and allow yourself to believe it.

Author's Bio: 

Coach Lee is a dating coach who specializes in helping people get their ex back after a breakup. To get his help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, visit My Ex Back Coach.