All of Christian’s life he had been an angelic child. Then he turned 13. He became belligerent, uncooperative, argumentative and disrespectful. One night his emotions became so elevated that he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
I called our friend, Jerry, who was like an uncle to my boys. Jerry laughed heartily as I shared with him how furious I was with my son, recounting all the horrible behaviors that the once angelic child was now exhibiting. “What are you laughing at?” I asked indignantly. Jerry gently asked me when the last time that I felt gratitude for my son was.
Gratitude? Was Jerry crazy? Christian had become awful and I was supposed to be having thoughts of gratitude? Jerry suggested that I sit down, become quiet, and begin to think of how much I loved Christian. I followed Jerry’s instructions, and within 5 minutes, the door opened, and my very loving son Christian entered. Christian sat down beside me and said, “Mom, I am sorry. I don’t know why I act this way. I really do love you!”
We often feel judgmental in our relationships. We often feel frustration. We may even feel like victims.
Here are some simple guidelines to bring any relationship (whether in business or your personal life) back to love and harmony:
1. Compassion: Open your heart and remember that the person may not be aware of how their behavior or attitude is affecting others. They may have burdens they are carrying unbeknownst to you.
2. Gratitude: Find any and all things that you can feel gratitude for that this person brings to your life. Write them down as often as you need to until you have established gratitude as your standard mode of feeling.
3. Verbalize Appreciation: People thrive on appreciation and, even though you may think they should know, people still need to hear it. Verbalizing appreciation will not only help them to move into their heart space, it will help you to do so as well.
4. Honesty: Even when something is hard to share, or when you may be concerned that what you need to express may be hard for the person to hear, when you are honest, a resolution can be found. People often sense it when the energy is becoming negative in a relationship. Their mind can make up all kinds of possible reasons for the tension that they sense, and then they begin to obsess about the often fictitious reasons for this tension.
5. Handle issues promptly: Letting yourself seethe over perceived injustices will only compound your sense of “I am right and they are wrong.” There may be more than meets the eye. When issues are handled promptly, peace is restored.
6. Focus on Solutions: It is easy to focus on what is wrong. Focusing on the problem, however, will not take you to the solution. Recognize the problem and then go to work to find solutions. Some people begin to drown in the problem, and can even pull in others to agree that they are being victimized in the situation. At the end of the day, the suffering is still there. When a person focuses on finding a solution, they are saying that they endeavor to live a life that is in harmony, with joy and success.
Beginning her 29th year of coaching and training, Dr Joy Vanderbeck, Ph.D., C.Ht. is a Life Success Coach, Positive Attitude Trainer, Personal, Professional and Relationship Coach.
Dr. Joy is certified by the American Board of Hypnotherapy and a graduate of the State Approved School of Hypnosis.
In addition to her private, group and business practice as a Life Success Coach, Dr. Joy teaches at the University of Texas at Arlington and has trained professional counselors in her specialized techniques.
Dr. Joy has presented numerous programs to organizations and companies, including Dallas Business Journal, Data Return Corporation, Life Corp, Ebby Halliday REALTORS, Re/Max Pinnacle Group, Elaine Dodson REALTORS, Lonestar Imaging, Maxtel, churches, Rotary and Kiwanis clubs. She has also conducted mandatory continuing education classes for area real estate agents.
Dr. Joy is sought out by North Texas radio and television stations for her expertise in personal and business success. Mademoiselle Magazine featured Dr. Joy in an article titled, "Are you too Trusting?"
Dr. Joy graces her clients, students and audiences with an innovative approach for life success, creating an atmosphere in which participants feel enthusiasm to excel.