You would think that with all the information there is about good sex more people would be better at pleasing their partners when they make love. Sadly, a lot of folks pay little attention to how they can become a better lover.
It isn’t that difficult to learn how to make love. Developing a good technique takes patience and practice. But it also means avoiding several things when you get into the bedroom for sex. Believe it or not, these are actual problems clients tell sex therapists that their partners do that annoys them.
1. Waiting until your partner is trapped under the sheets to initiate sex. Really, now, do you lack so much sexual imagination that the only way you can get your partner to have sex with you is to wait until you are in bed and your partner has nowhere else to go? Let your partner know you’re thinking about making love to them by giving them some extra hugs and kisses, telling them what they mean to you, and pitching in to help so that your partner isn’t dead tired at night when you want to make love.
2. Taking less than ten minutes for foreplay. There’s nothing wrong with quick sex, but expecting your partner to be ready just because you are is a little silly. If you’re partner is willing to make love, give them a warm-up. Kiss, lick, suck, and nuzzle your partner in all the places that make them melt. It doesn’t take that much effort to get your partner excited about sex.
3. Forgetting what your partner likes in bed. Look, part of way to be a great lover is not to rely on what you think your partner might like, but to find out what really makes them hot and then doing it again. Even bigger mistake? Doing things your partner definitely dislikes. You need to develop a sort of mental sex Rolodex and remember what your partner enjoys.
4. Annoying your partner with stupid sex jokes. Hey, if you’re both in the mood for some giggles, then joke away. But if your partner has told you about a need to be held close and loved up, then ditch the dirty jokes as foreplay.
5. Not taking the time to learn lovemaking techniques. Just because you’ve been with your partner awhile, doesn’t mean your lovemaking techniques are topnotch. There’s always something new to learn—a new touch, a new kiss, a new position, a new fantasy. If you think sex has gotten a little stale, take some responsibility and learn something new.
6. Jumping up immediately after sex to do something else. Is there anything tackier than finishing up sex and getting up to change the laundry from the washer to the dryer or letting Fido out for the night? Make sure your partner knows that you appreciated the time you spent making love before moving on to real life matters.
7. Not taking a shower or brushing your teeth before you make love. ‘Nuf said. Unless your partner likes truly “dirty” sex, clean up your act before you make a move.
Sex isn’t rocket science. It doesn’t take a genius to be a good lover. Just by avoiding these 7 big mistakes, your partner will think you’re really good in bed.
And if you want to learn more ways to be a good lover, Dr. Stephanie Buehler has written Sexual Discoveries, a free e-book you can download at yourpassionexpert.com. Dr. Buehler is a psychologist, sex therapist, author, and speaker, and Director of The Buehler Institute in Southern California.