How do you know if you have an anger management problem?
Anger is a tough issue for many men. Males are hard-wired to act when threatened. In times past, that may have meant defending themselves against a wild animal or an enemy intent on harming them or their families.
These days, the threats can feel just as real, but in a civilized society, the responses must be tempered.
So, how do you know if you are expressing your anger inappropriately?
The best measure is to ask yourself if your angry outbursts are negatively affecting your relationships with family, friends and even co-workers. In addition, you may want to take a hard look at whether you tend to induldge in road rage or if you use alcohol, drugs or food to soothe your anger. Any of these can be clues that you need to work on your manner of expressing anger.
There are several techniques you can learn to help control your anger. These include:
1. Counting to ten or removing yourself from the situation until
you cool off.
2. Doing something physical such as running or shooting baskets
until you feel more in control of your anger.
3. Expressing your anger verbally in a calm manner so that you
aren't left stewing in the emotions.
4. Using humor to diffuse your angry feelings (without being
hurtful or sarcastic).
5. Keeping a journal or "anger log" to identify situations which
typically set you off.
6. Keeping something in your pocket to remind you that you want
to stay calm...such as a smooth stone or a special coin.
7. Learning the "relaxation response" by listening to soothing
music, meditating, praying or using a personal mantra such as
"take it easy."
8. Learning the art of coming to mutual solutions instead of
arguing.
These are just a few strategies which you can employ on your own. However, if your anger ever escalates to physical violence, it's important to get help. You may want to see a psychotherapist or an anger management professional. Many men benefit from participation in anger management groups where they can role play and practice good anger management.
It may take time to learn to manage your anger successfully. Like any skill, anger management takes practice. But, stick with it and in time you will become confident in your ability to control your anger.
Author's Bio
Thomas E. (Jene) Hedden, B.C.D., M.S.W., L.C.S.W., holds a Master's Degree in Religious Education with a major in Social Work from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a Master's in Social Work from the Kent School of Social Work at the University of Louisville. He is a Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Mr. Hedden served as Director of Psychiatry for Norton Health Care at the Norton Hospital in Louisville, Kentucky and has more than thirty-five years of experience in the field of psychotherapy. Further information can be found at www.shelbycounselingassociates.org
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