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Attitude Adjustments
By
Ian Glickman, Ph.D. |
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Attitude might not exactly be everything when dealing with conflict management, but it sure plays a big part. The most productive attitude in addressing disputes, especially in the initial stages, is one of letting go of resentment toward the other party. Regardless of what events have transpired, or what emotions have been riled up, trying to remain in the present, as psychologists love to say, will ensure a more peaceful interaction and result. This involves conscientiously focusing on the present situation and not on old feelings and suspicions, regardless of how valid they are or how tempting it is to ruminate over them.
Dredging up problems from the past will only complicate the situation at hand. Trying to prove past points is not only moot, but a recipe for failure. If the other party brings up past problems, shortcomings, or former poor attitudes, be vigilant in making a smooth shift back to the facts and data regarding the current situation. Some venting and fuming over past incidents is to be expected. However, until the current issues are essentially agreed upon, progress toward a current plan of action will stall.
One positive technique to resolve conflict in its initial stages is the ¡§When You Do____ , I/We Feel¡¨ statement. This means commenting on how you feel when the other party engages in a specific behavior or activity. It reduces the potential for the other party to feel attacked or accused. In other words, you state the facts in terms of how their actions affect your feelings and not by assigning blame. For example:
Example A. CORRECT: "When you do system A instead of system B, we feel that quality is compromised." (Statement of fact)
Example B: INCORRECT: "When you use system A instead of system B, quality is compromised." (Blame)
When you don¡¦t use the word "I" or "we", the statement essentially puts the other party on the defensive (Example B). In one case, you are honestly stating your feelings about poor quality. In the other case, you are blaming them for poor quality. The last thing you want is to put the other party on the defensive in the early stages of conflict management. Remember, they can just as easily get your defenses up. Blaming will result in a stalled negotiation, if not worse, and will reinforce the past negative feelings that you are attempting to overcome.
Try this attitude and technique sometime in a simple, neutral situationƒ{you might be surprised with the results.
Ian Glickman, Ph.D.
Learn more about leadership, occupational stress, conflict management and change management at Professional Development Resources, Inc. Visit our web site at visitpdr.com.
Author's Bio
Professional Development Resources, Inc. serves a variety of clients including Fortune 500 companies and the US government. PDR director Dr. Ian Glickman is a licensed psychologist and an adjunct professor of conflict resolution at Immaculata University. Dr Glickman earned his master's degree in Counseling and Human Development at the University of Iowa and his doctorate at Lehigh University. He studied extensively in Asia and Europe with the renowned authority on conflict resolution and personal development, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and earned his bachelors degree in creative intelligence from Maharishi European Research University. Dr. Glickman has participated in conflict resolution projects nationally and internationally and has worked extensively on emerging technologies for leadership development. In addition to being a Fellow of the American Institute of Stress, he has written and lectured broadly on human potential, job stress and organizational change management. His blog on these topics can be viewed on the PDR website at visitpdr.com.
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