Set Your Intention

Question: You have recently said it's a great idea to have, as a new year's resolution, to try to not sweat the small stuff this year. I agree, but I'm not doing very well yet and it's frustrating. Any suggestions? Answer: One of the most important aspects of learning to not sweat the small stuff is to remember to be easy on yourself when you "blow it," or over-react. You're not blowing it; you're simply learning to make healthy adjustments to get yourself back on track. I guess it's fair to say, "Get used to it," because no matter how hard you try, you're never going to "get it right," all the time.

There will always be times when you will revert to your old ways and that's perfectly okay. Believe me, I do too.

The idea is to be moving, generally, in the right direction. It's to have, as your intention, the idea that you want to be calmer, more relaxed, more patient, and to give others, as well as yourself a break! It's critical to come to peace with the fact that we're all humans, and therefore we're all subject to "blowing it" quite often.

The softer and easier you can be with yourself, when you do revert to "sweating" something, the quicker will be your recovery. In other words, you may "lose it," but then "catch" yourself shortly afterwards.

Pretty soon, you'll be noticing yourself "while" you're being hard on yourself and, someday, you'll even be able to "see it coming." This means you'll be able to predict when you're about to "lose it," and you'll be in touch with any stressors that tend to make you do so. The result of all this is that you'll start to say to yourself, "I know exactly what 's going to happen if I go down that train of thought, and so I'm not going to do it." or "If I continue this conversation (or behavior), I know what's going to happen, so I'm not going there." And slowly but surely, you'll start to avoid those things that bring you down, or throw you off course.

This is a very exciting time in life because it shows you clearly, that in most cases, you have a choice in how you react, even though, on the surface, it might not seem like it. Here's a simple example. You're washing the dishes and have been doing so for the past hour. Your spouse walks in the room and begins to criticize you for the way you're washing them. Forget the fact that he or she has been out all day with his or her friends, having fun while you just cleaned the house! All of a sudden, you're washing dishes, your back is turned away from your spouse, and you realize you have a choice.

You can swirl around, get defensive and act angry or hurt. You can remind your spouse that you've been working hard all day - subtle ways to make him or her feel guilty. That's one way to do it and it's by far, the most popular! But your other, lesser-used "fork in the road," would be to simply listen to the criticism and respond with love. Perhaps you might say, "You're right, I didn't go a very good job at the dishes. I'll do them again." If you go this route, you will not feed the negativity in any way. Instead, you have nipped it in the bud. Now it's in your spouse's court! My guess is, he or she will apologize and regain their perspective. But if by chance your spouse does not apologize, as would be appropriate, don't worry about it. Peace begins with you. You can remain peaceful and happy regardless of what someone else says or does. It's possible that these types of situations can become complete non-issues in your life. Perhaps the most important point to remember is this. Don't sweat the small stuff when you happen to sweat it! See you next week!