Connecting With Others
By Dr. Joe Rubino
All too often, we live our lives in a state of isolation, keeping others out in an effort to protect ourselves from losing our identity and a sense of control. Although we crave intimacy, connectedness and the love of others, we disconnect if the threat of becoming overwhelmed by it becomes too real and frightening.
An example of how we might disconnect is to create an argument if the threat of intimacy becomes too real. We fight, grow apart then need love and acceptance so we make up and get back together again- for a while.
Smoking a cigarette after sex is another way to disconnect. Becoming too busy to pay attention to the other person causes a disconnect. Worrying, becoming upset, actually leaving the room, making the other person wrong, keeping lots of other people around, or listening to your own thoughts rather than to what the other person is saying are all ways to disconnect. There are countless others as well.
It is all too easy to opt for control over others, being right about something and getting our way rather than to find a way to enhance our relationships.
The means to connecting with others is to take our focus off of our own wants and needs long enough to explore the possibilities for mutuality with all involved. If we train ourselves to work on establishing a mutual connection or means for relating, the result will be a coming together or synergy of purpose.
The best way to create this mutuality with others is to take on developing an appreciation for what it’s like in the other person’s world. As you listen for the other person’s needs, wants, concerns, and commitments, it is easier to develop the bond that comes from walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. By actually listening for commonality as well as for how all parties might contribute something of value to each other, possibilities for enhanced relationships will evolve.
Exercise for Establishing Relatedness
1) In every conversation you have with another person, develop an appreciation for what it’s actually like to be that person. How does this influence the relationship ?
2) Practice listening for other people’s concerns and commitments.
How does knowing their concerns affect your actions?
How does knowing their commitments give you a better appreciation for who they are and why they do what they do?
3) Listen for mutuality. What do you have in common that could lead to furthering your relationship? How does the other person’s differences contribute something to you?
4) In what ways do you disconnect from others? Record in your journal each time you do so.
Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed personal development trainer, life-changing success coach and best selling author of 9 books and 2 tape sets on topics ranging from personal and leadership development to restoring self-esteem and maximizing business productivity. He is a highly sought after Network Marketing trainer, consultant, and coach. A celebrated speaker and course leader, he is known for his work in leadership development, the art of listening, conflict resolution, communication skills, life and business coaching and team building.
Visit http://www.selfesteemsystem.com to receive your complimentary Success Achievers' Club membership and "7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem" Audio ($129 value!)
His best selling books and tapes are available in 19 languages and in 48 countries. Dr. Rubino’s personal development books include:
• The Self-Esteem Book
• The Magic Lantern: A Fable About Leadership, Personal Excellence And Empowerment
• The Success Code: 29 Principles for Achieving Maximum Abundance, Success, Charisma, and Personal Power in Your Life
• The Success Code, Book II: More Authentic Power Principles for Creating Your Dream Life
• The Legend of the Light-Bearers: A Fable about Personal Reinvention and Global Transformation
• Secrets of Building a Million Dollar Network Marketing Organization from a Guy Who’s Been There, Done That and Shows You How You Can Do It Too
• The 7-Step System to Building a $1,000,000 Network Marketing Organization: How to Achieve Financial Freedom through Network Marketing
• The Ultimate Guide to Network Marketing:37 Top Network Marketing Income Earners Share Their Most Preciously Guarded Secrets to Building Extreem Wealth
• 10 Weeks to Network Marketing Success – CD Album plus Workbook
• Secret #1 – Self-Motivation Audible and Subliminal Affirmation Cassettes
• 15 Secrets Every Network Marketer Must Know:Essential Elements and Skills Required to earn 6 and 7 Figure Incomes in Network Marketing
Dr Rubino is the CEO of The Center for Personal Reinvention: http://www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com , an organization committed to the personal excellence and empowerment of all people. He has impacted the lives of more than a million people through personal and leadership development. Dr. Rubino was featured on the cover of Success Magazine in December of 1995 for his ability to impact people’s lives. He is a certified success coach in life planning technology and the co-developer of the life-changing course, Conversations for Success, a program that provides participants with the tools to maximize their self-esteem, productivity and personal effectiveness with others. He is widely published, having authored more than 220 articles in numerous professional and business publications. His vision is to personally impact the lives of twenty million people to be their best and to shift the paradigm around resignation - that is, that anyone can affect positive change in their own lives and in the lives of others - if they believe they can.
Additional Resources covering Self-Esteem can be found at: