Reasons behind the fear of commitment for men and women can be different, but the results are the same. Fear of commitment often ends a relationship or puts a dense wall between two people - sometimes between life itself. Commitment to one person is a serious thing. It shouldn't be taken lightly and should always be made for the right reasons.
Why Men Fear Commitment
Most men who fear commitment don't want to lose their freedom. Men like to go out with their buddies or do their own thing without having to feel they need permission to do so. They don't want to lose their personal space or have a partner who puts demands on them. They also question if they will be able to make a commitment to having only one sex partner. Some have been burned by females who were gold diggers and they don't want to take the chance of giving up their hard earned money and assets for someone who may be using them. Some have been cheated on and left by their wives and in the process of divorce, lost custody of their children. Crossing over from bachelorhood to committing to one person can cause fear of the unknown, fear of history repeating itself or make a man feel trapped.
Why Women Fear Commitment
Women usually fear commitment because they've been burned numerous times. They've been played. They've been cheated on and lose trust that any man will be trustworthy and remain faithful. They've heard the pretty words and felt the tender touch only to find out the man was using her or bailed out to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Some have been very devoted wives, yet their husband cheated and bailed out, resulting in divorce. The woman's life is totally uprooted, forcing her to start anew and often very unprepared for what lies ahead. She's tired of getting her heart ripped out. She fears another sad and painful story will write itself if she commits once again.
How to Deal with the Fear
There are many people who are still single, afraid of commitment, yet are very lonely. They resist commitment because of their fears. These fears come from different places...from actual experience or from ingrained fears early in life. Emotional patterns begin in childhood and the fear of commitment is about unresolved issues residing within, more than experiences they've had with the opposite sex. These are usually deep-seated fears that don't just affect relationships, but probably most other decisions made in life. The core fear issues need to be looked into and resolved before a person is able to commit freely. Fear of failure, rejection and loss is usually at the core. If fears are ingrained, you need to fix yourself first before you'll be able to commit. You need to rid yourself of the hauntings from the past in order to open yourself completely to love and trust.
If your fears are from experiences...change your attitude! Being committed isn't taking your options away. It provides you with new and different options. It's offering options that are long lasting and filled with substance. It's much better to wake up to the same person each day, knowing they love you than to walk aimlessly through life trying to get another date that may lead nowhere. There's a catch! You have to find the right person in order for your investment to overshadow your fear. Not everyone will use you. Not everyone wants your money. Not everyone will cheat and leave. You have to move slowly in a relationship, get to know the person very well and instill the utmost trust. Commitment can be beautiful!
Never sabotage your relationship and use tactics to make your partner want to break up because of "your" fear. Never just bail out without explanation because of your fear. This causes an intense pain for your partner and takes a long time to heal from. They are left confused, angry and sad because they can't understand why you left all of a sudden without explanation - especially when you gave them reason to believe you were serious about the relationship.
If you are in a relationship and fear commitment, realize you need to deal with the fear or your relationship will either end or remain stagnant. Talk openly with your partner about your fears. Seek spiritual or professional guidance, if needed. Realize, you only have one life to live and cannot live it fully as long as fear is holding you back. Release your fears and find deeper meaning in life and love.
Kathy lives in the United States and is a free-lance writer for various websites. In her spare time she enjoys writing poetry, photography, music, carpentry, gardening and her most treasured blessings are her children and grandchildren. Kathy is creator of Dating Scoop where more dating and relationship articles can be found.