Perhaps nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love. It's not just any old break-up; this is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love. You thought you'd spend the rest of your lives together. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're scared to death you'll never find anyone to ever replace them. Here are some tips to help you get over it:
Friends and Family
1. Don't try to get through this alone. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boy/girlfriend ask if you can be forgiven. If they really were true friends they will forgive you and want to help you get over it. Try to avoid friends who are very close with your ex, they are bound to talk about him/her and bring you down inadvertently.
2. Talk and see your friends, and family more. If you make your world bigger, then s/he will become less important.
3. Be open and honest about how you are feeling. Don't pretend to yourself, or others, that you are okay if you're not. Also realize that you are allowed to be okay. You do not have to feel sad all the time, or at all. Talk to people instead of just holding it in and being moody. Other people can support you, if they actually know what is going on.
4. Remember there are other people that care. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, there are. There are people around you that understands, and will help.
5. Do not ask your friends if they have seen your ex. Do not ask how s/he is; you do not want to know.
1. Cry. It's okay to cry. Just let it all out. You will feel much better after you do.
2. Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Take on a daunting goal such as learning a new language, instrument, or skill. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have lots more time to do it!
3. Resist the urge to have a rebound. Give yourself time to heal and grow as a person before committing to another relationship.
4. Fill up your MP3 player with the saddest love songs you can think of. Sad songs work wonders because you realize there are actually people out there more miserable than you. Or you may also want to try happy songs instead. Try some songs that were written to remind you that you're not the only one not having any fun and that you need to work to be happy again. Music will heal you, just give it time.
5. Do anything you can to make yourself feel desirable. Get a haircut or highlights. Go to the gym. Buy a new outfit. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. Remember all the times s/he told you that you are the most beautiful person in the universe, convince yourself that it is indeed true, and that someone else will appreciate you the way s/he once did.
6. Endure the pain and loneliness bravely. With time, the pain will heal. Are you a strong person who can get through this or a weak one that will wither from one failed relationship? Don't succumb to weakness. Retain your pride and hold your head up. There's nothing better than that.
• Don't be so naive as to believe that you will never love anyone as much as your first love. Most first loves and heartbreaks occur around in your teens or early 20s. You still have most of your life ahead of you to find the love of your life.
• With maturity, your capacity to love another human being grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love.
• You will certainly be able to give your 100% again. Get that thought out of your mind.
• Remember that getting your heart broken for the first time is a fact of life.
• Recognize that you have the power of choice in your life.
• Always remember, it's all in your head. This feeling is just a picture you have created in your head of the way you want things to be. Once you let that go, you'll be fine.
• Never ever try getting back with your ex it will only hurt you in the long run.
• Talk more!(and not necessarily about your ex) It's good to listen to others and what they have to say, but if you can talk more you'll find yourself truely getting your mind off of her/him for the time being.
• If it has been a very long time since the breakup and it's either not going away or getting worse and worse, you should probably seek help.
• If you feel suicidal, seek help. Nobody in your life should bother you to that point. So you really need to get help if you are.
• Don't tell him/her that you still love them. Tell yourself that you, infact, don't love them anymore.
• Don't pretend like you are still together and don't think of yourselves as a couple. If people refer to him/her as your boy/girlfriend, then correct them. Even if you know that you're no longer together, saying it out loud will get the message accross more strongly, and help you move on quicker!
• Don't drink alcohol or get addicted to drugs to help get rid of your problems. It won't help in the long run, and it might end up making things worse.
• After you hit the six month mark, friends will start snapping at you to just get over it. At this point you must stop feeling so sorry for yourself or you will begin to lose friends.
• Stop the "Woe Is Me" stuff. It gets old so fast. If you're going to mope and feel miserable, at least have the intelligence to realize that you are not the only one in the world who has had their heart broken. Being aware of that, mope away, but try not to let it consume your entire day. This kind of thing makes you seem pathetic.
• Avoid statements like "I'll never get over him/her." They just make you sound stupid and short-sighted.
• Don't keep running back, although it seems like it will make things better, its only temporary. If you keep running back it makes it just that much worst in the end. Seriously, end it. Do not go back.
• Don't resort to "tracking down" your ex's every movement. Having mutual friends tell you everything they're doing, how great they are, who they're dating, and how they don't talk about you will only make you feel worse. You don't need to know. You simply need to let it be. Remember - they will figure out what you're trying to do and you will look like the crazy one who's still not over it. Don't give them that satisfaction when you will be fine without it. This extends to using the internet to track down your ex's activities.
• Don't stop doing things/watching things/listening to things etc. just because it will remind you of your ex. Such is life. You will only be limiting your life even more, and doing yourself damage. Not him/her.
Now you can order the Doctors' new book entitled, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage at Amazon.com or from their website with FREE Images of Love DVD. With 25 years of research experience on successful marriage and their own 41-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples, representing 15,000 years of marriage, they've discovered the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. Their book exposes the secrets for success through these poignant, real life stories.
During their distinguished careers the Doctors have received some 60 local, state, and national awards; published nearly 200 articles and manuscripts; delivered over 1000 speeches, workshops and public presentations; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television and in the print media. Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is Dean and Professor of Family and Counseling Therapy at the University of Missouri in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC.
Additional Resources on Love can be found at: