I remember a time when a single woman would not consider going to a movie or out to dinner alone. There seemed to be a stigma in appearing in a social setting without a companion and while we women have come a long way baby, as the saying goes, many of us still find it difficult to be a party of one. All of my female friends are either in a committed relationship or are actively seeking one either by going to clubs, through mutual friends or via the internet. They tell me that they are afraid of being alone, that they feel incomplete and that a partner will complete them.
Some of these friends have settled for mere companionship, a relationship not fueled by sexual chemistry, but out of need. Others are married and miserable, but they find comfort in the belief that they are not alone. I do not want to diminish the joy that can be found in a relationship with the right person but many women never find the right person because in their burning desire to find Mr. Right, they often settle for Mr. Wrong.
The internet has become a virtual mine field in that match making services have become big business. I admit that I was once lured by the ads promising a soul mate in 30 days or at least a viable connection. I met some interesting and successful men, but for me this was purely experimental, as I could not get past the idea of establishing a satisfying, long term relationship in such a manner.
I do realize that many of these prominent services boast numerous marriages and solid relationships have come through this medium and while I don't dispute the possibility, I still question the likelihood. I say there is no shame in being a single woman and there is no shame in wanting to remain that way. I have been married, I have been divorced, and I have had meaningful and not so meaningful relationships and for me single is just fine.
The word single by definition does not mean alone, but is defined as not married, unaccompanied by others. I enjoy being the center of my universe; I enjoy doing what I want, when I want and how I want. I enjoy having extra room in my bed, I enjoy cooking meals for one, and I enjoy the complete and utter selfishness of satisfying only my needs.
I do not rule out the possibility of a long term relationship in my future, but I no I can be completely happy without one and that is the difference. In my so called aloneness I have learned to love myself more, I have gained greater self esteem and strength. In my so called aloneness I have realized that I was more alone in some relationships than I am now. In my so called aloneness I have learned that a table for one is not so bad.
I'm a freelance writer and former New Yorker now living in New Mexico. I have a legal background and at one time wrote a legal column called "The Legal Eye", for a once prominent internet service. I am currently in the healthcare field. I'm a big fan of the late Erma Bombeck and enjoy the rantings of New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd.