There is nothing that can compare to the feeling of falling in love. It captures our hearts and makes them beat faster when in the presence of our beloved. Love sets up camp in our minds and causes us think much differently than we normally would. It begins, sometimes very quickly, to take over our thoughts. Best of all it gives rebirth to our imagination.
As we fall deeper in love, we feed our imagination with new pictures. We imagine wonderful, future moments together. We even imagine how we will feel when those moments occur because we know exactly how we would like them to be played out. If we let our imaginations run free, these wonderful, future moments lead to imaginings of moving in together, marriage proposals, weddings and children.
And let’s not leave out sex. Sex with this new love will certainly be better that with What’s His Face or What’s Her Name. Yes, definitely there will lots of great sex with this person. Even if it is bad in the beginning, the imagination will make it so it is better the next time and the time after that, until it is heavenly. Yes, it is marvelous when our hormones dance and sing in utter delight. They sing and dance every time they are reborn. Or should I say, fall in love? Now, if you are single, why wouldn’t you want to feel this way?
With the internet at our fingertips, we can type a few stats about ourselves, and in just a few words -presto! We have a profile and we are on our way to Haveadatetonightville. Pick a dating web site using your ouija board and you are an online date waiting to happen. But what else is waiting to happen?
You are in control of your destiny with just the click of a mouse and the rap of a few keys. You can shop for a husband, a wife, a casual relationship, a sexual relationship - with any preference you can imagine, all at your fingertips.
Given that most of us weren’t brought up with communication and relationship skills, conflict resolution skills, especially for our love relationships, how is it that we are supposed to navigate our way around the internet dating world, creating a relationship that will work and better yet, last?
Who wouldn’t want to feel all the wonderful emotions that accompany falling in love? Who wouldn’t want to feel love and cared for? Protected and supported? Validated and understood?
These are primary emotional needs that must be met in order to be successful in relationships. It is a must if we want to have anything to give back in our relationships.
Underlying Reason Why Relationships Don’t Work
We are somewhat divided in where we stand. We say we want to be in a relationship, but there are some of us who like to stand near the fence called, “I really don’t want to be tied down. I really value my alone time. I like not having the responsibility of another’s happiness. Being alone means no one has expectations of me.”
Some lean on the fence called, “I will never allow myself get hurt like that again. If I did, I fear my heart would never recover.” Still others linger near the fence called, “I live for the moment, moment to moment. I don’t care about feelings, I just want have fun. I work hard and deserve to have fun.”
We can’t forget the ones who hug one fence after another
because they are in love with the feeling of falling in love. Once reality takes up residence in their relationship, they are out of there and on to the next relationship high.
Are you asking yourself, where do I fit in? Whose fence are you standing next to? When you have your answer, ask yourself if that is where you want to stay?
f it isn’t, then move. If it is where you want to stay, then by all means, stay. It is serving you in some way right now and that is exactly where you should be. You will move when you have completed your purpose there.
When you get clear about what you are doing, going online to date, dating different people every week or month, you will see how some of these underlying reasons sabotage your relationships.
She says : “Where is our relationship going?”
He says: “I didn’t know it was moving.”
Once we are in this relationship a little while, we naturally begin to think, especially if you are a woman, where is this relationship going? The idea of living together or getting married surfaces it’s chameleon face. You and your partner may even fall in love with the idea of getting married.
My question is, are you in love with the idea of getting married or the idea of being married? Getting married looks like planning for a special day, parties, gifts, new clothes, a honeymoon, invitations, flowers and don’t forget the ring. Being married usually looks like that feeling of being in love lasting forever. Except it doesn’t. The honeymoon does end, we learn our partner has faults and habits, some of which may not please us.
When you build a foundation with one person, build one that will hold your relationship up no matter what storms may come your way. In order to do this, you must pay attention to your relationship, not just your partner. That is my suggestion always and in all ways. Pay attention to your relationship. Don’t blow it off thinking it will take care of itself. For half the married population who divorced, that theory did not work. A relationship doesn’t so much take work as it does time and knowledge of what to do that works -- for you, your partner and your relationship.
Janice Hoffman is the author of the award-winning book, Relationship Rules. What makes Janice Hoffman unique? Since 1996 her mentor has been Dr. John Gray, author of the best-selling Mars Venus material. Working closely with Gray, Janice taught the first facilitated Mars Venus Workshop in 1997 and went on to train over 550 Mars Venus facilitators and counselors worldwide. She has developed workshop curriculum for the Mars Venus Institute and was a contributing author for MarsVenus.com. Singles and couples seek her expert advice as a Relationship Coach. She continues to be featured in numerous articles and is a popular guest on radio and TV. Janice Hoffman specializes in raising the awareness of our differences--while teaching communication skills necessary to maintain healthy and passionate relationships.