On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us. “ But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.
If you’re ready to get re-acquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 5 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.
1. Quiet the noise in your head. You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, call your mother, keep the kids in line, and keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the din. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.
2. Learn how – and practice – thinking about yourself in healthy ways. In order to do that, you must first BELIEVE that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined, --that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish the healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
3. Listen to your heart. Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask yourself what you feel. Ask yourself why it’s important. What comes easily for you? What’s difficult? Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal, when what you’re really after is a specific feeling. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them.
4. Uncover your natural strengths and your natural talents. Trust your instincts. Look back at your childhood, and make a list of things that you used to love to do. Ask why you stopped doing them. If you always loved adventure, it’s a good bet that’s a part of the REAL you. Notice what things you now do during your day – even if only for a few minutes – when you feel the most happy. If you have no idea what the real you is, begin to experiment with things that you find you used to like.
5. Look back again over your life, and begin to remember times when you felt the happiest. What where you doing? Who were you with? What skills were you using? Be willing to tell the truth about who you are, and what you want in your life. Stop trying to “be” who or what you think you ought to be. Instead, determine that you are comfortable with what you want in your life, and how you want to address the world.
Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach, helps people set priorities and goals, take actions, make changes, and reshape their lives. She is the author numerous articles both online and in print, an Ebook and several Email Coaching Programs available at www.reallifecoach.com, call 480.998.5843