Sometimes when a relationship has gone sour, our efforts are used trying to repair it, or "get it back", while the best thing to do might be to look at things in a different perspective. Is the relationship worth fighting for or is it truly a lost cause. There are a few things you can think about while trying to sort things through.
1.) Is your partner still in love or still interested in pursuing the relationship. Sometimes when we lose a love we tend to dwell on what used to be, not on what the relationship is currently about. Of course it was good in the beginning, otherwise you wouldn’t have ended up together. But that stage of the relationship is not always an accurate measure. Its best to look at what is currently happening and evaluate how or why the situation is the way it is at this moment. Sometimes we fall head over heals with someone, then if things go bad, the memories of good times dominate what is really happening at the current time. If both of you are willing to work on your problems you have a good shot at working things out. If not, you need to ask yourself "Are you in love with the memory of the way things used to be, or are you truly happy at this moment".
2.) Do you realize if you do breakup the hurt will go away. There may be a lot of pain, resentment and jealousy right now, but trust me, if you are willing to move forward, it will pass. Ask yourself "Do I really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?" The answer should be "No". If you’re up for the challenge, you will find love again. You deserve to be with someone who will love you back.
3.) Imagine what a mutually loving relationship with someone should feel like. Is it what you have now? If not, maybe your current partner isn’t capable of having that with you for whatever reason. Do you really want to stay and pass up the chance to find true love?
4.) Staying in a relationship for reasons other than love isn’t good for anyone. Some people, knowingly or unknowingly, stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons, such as having a roof over their heads, their bills are paid, they are afraid of being alone or a variety of other reasons. If this is you, you must realize you are a capable individual. Co-dependant relationships will not work. If you really want to lead a fulfilling life, take the steps to become self-sufficient, it can be a very empowering, incredible feeling.
5.) Are you assuming what your partner is or is not feeling? Have you communicated with your partner or have they communicated with you. Sometimes our "inner voices" tell us things that are not true. You may believe that because someone is angry with you, they don’t want to pursue the relationship any longer. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may believe someone is sending you signals that they do want to be with you or that certain gestures have hidden meaning. In other words, we believe what we want to, not the reality of the situation. Open communication is the only way to resolve these issues and is a necessary part of a loving relationship.
6.) Are you willing to stay in a hurtful or abusive relationship until your partner breaks things off? Some people are so afraid of losing someone they will stay as long as possible no matter what the situation, or they simply are not strong enough to break up themselves.
Once you have seriously considered the above, you should have a pretty good idea where your relationship is headed. You need to be strong for yourself. Life does not end when a relationship does. If you are not happy and you are quite sure things are not going to work out, its time to move forward.
Just remember a couple of things. You deserve to be happy, no one person has the power to make or take your happiness. Only you control your happiness. If you need support seek out friends, family members or a professional. There are also plenty of self-help guides out there to guide you along the way, which ever path you choose.
Lori Grudzien is the Managing Editor of the website LifeChoicesWeb.Com, a website dedicated to “Living a full life, by learning to love yourself”. Topics include Health, Aging, Divorce, Relationships, Career, Stress, Anxiety, Self-Esteem & Self Help.