Harnessing the Law of Attraction in Love: The Five Biggest Mistakes People Make
Mistake #1 – You are not clear enough and don’t ask for what you REALLY want.
When you set an intention, or make a wish, or ask The Universe for what you want, you need to be absolutely clear about what you want. When you are wishy-washy with your asking, you get wishy-washy results. The more consistent you are in asking for the same thing over and over again, the more likely you are going to get it.
If I was to ask you right now, what kind of person are you asking The Universe to deliver to you, how many of you would be able to give me a list of specific attributes of the person you are looking for? We cover this in Chapter 2 in my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale love life where I give you a list of questions to answer to test whether you have really thought out your entire wish list.
Let me give you some examples. My friend Christina decided one day to write down a list of qualities and attributes that she wanted in an ideal love partner. It was after doing this simple exercise that she met her current husband Dusty and they are happily married. It only took three weeks from the time she wrote her wish list and when they met!
When I’m talking about qualities and attributes, I want you to get very specific. Although it is OK to write down, “I want a loving partner who values me and treats me well” it truly isn’t specific enough in my opinion to create a magical relationship. Now, if you want to know what is specific, check out my wish list. I wrote my wish list to The Universe and I met my dream partner three months later. These are the qualities and attributes that I asked for:
1.I wanted him to be gorgeous and have a body that complimented mine as a skating partner.
2.I wanted him to be athletic and able to skate at my level or better.
3.I wanted someone who was intuitive and willing to express his feelings easily (which makes for an excellent on or off-ice partnership)
4.I wanted him to be about 5 foot nine or 5 foot 10 inches tall because it would be the ideal height for me to skate pairs.
5.I wanted him to accept moving to where I lived because I was sick and tired of moving every three years (which is what I did when I was with my ex-husband)
6.I wanted him to be handy around the house and like taking care of the house because I didn’t.
7.I needed him to be a good cook and like cooking because I didn’t like to cook, but I loved to eat!
8.I wanted him to be interested in personal growth and spirituality because it was important to me.
9.I wanted him to enjoy the pastimes I enjoyed including yoga, dance, music and of course, skating
10.I wanted him to be competitive with his skating so that we could skate at the national championships.
11.I deeply wanted for him to be a wonderful caregiver. I had always been the caregiver in my marriage and I really wanted a partner who knew how to take care of me for a change.
Now, James’ list was simpler, but still very specific: He wished for a beautiful Asian woman who enjoyed drumming and would enjoy athletic pursuits. Most of all, he wished for someone who would be loving towards him. His ex-wife was not very affectionate and he felt deprived of love and affection through the nine years they were together. He wanted someone who he could hug, kiss and snuggle up with.
Notice how specific James and I were in our “wish list” to The Universe! Now there is a special technique that I cover in Chapter 2 of my book that converts your wish list into a format that the Universe can understand. We don’t have time today to cover this, but in short, the technique converts your criteria from and “I want” status to an “I have” status…and the latter is the language of the Universe.
The second point is to really ask for what you want, not what you think you should want. It took me a while to get this. At first, I wanted a skating partner more than I wanted a love partner, so I only asked for a skating partner. Why? Because I didn’t BELIEVE that I could have a both a skating partner and love partner in one person? It was such a rare possibility that I didn’t allow the universe to create this reality for me. However, secretly I wanted both…but was too afraid to ask for both. I was getting mixed results until finally, I got the message. I needed to ask for EVERYTHING I wanted and get clear. Don’t sell yourself short.
Many people don’t ask for what they really want because they don’t believe they’d get what they want. I had to take a chance and I’m glad I did! Because James and I both got exactly what we asked for in a partner!
Mistake #2 – You have no passion for what you say you want.
To consciously use the law of attraction to manifest your ideal love partner takes energy and passion. If it were easy, everyone would be able to do it instantly. It isn’t that it is hard, but it takes energy regardless. Think about an Olympic athletes for example. They train six days a week and the work very hard to attain their goals. The law of attraction responds to anything you put energy into.
So my question to you is this, how much energy are you currently spending in the area of manifesting your dream partner? How much time and/or money, if any, have you spent in learning from successful people in this arena so you can copy what they do? What are you thinking about most of the day? Your job? Your bills? How lonely you are?
You really need to put energy and focus into manifesting something you consider “big”. You don’t need as much energy to manifest things you consider “small”. For example, whenever I see a patient in the office and think about their problems and start formulating a solution, I invariably come across an article or newsletter that deals exactly with the problem I am facing. I have come to expect it. So I don’t really need a lot of energy to manifest this type of “help” from The Universe because it is “small” to me. The other example I have is that some weeks I’ll have holes in my office schedule. If I want them filled with a patient, I will ask The Universe to fill it. Almost always, I get the holes filled, but only if I have enough energy. If I am tired, for whatever reason, the Universe will keep those holes there and I get to rest.
The last example is how I like to manifest the weather. The most common thing I will ask for is clear and safe driving conditions on a day that is supposed to be terrible weather. Now, 99% of the time, my request is granted as long as I have a vested interest in the weather being good. In other words, if it doesn’t matter to me on a personal or financial level to have good weather, I most likely won’t be able to change it. My ENERGY needs to be there in order for me to manifest the weather. When my friend in San Diego emailed me about the fires there months ago, I wanted to help. Because she lived there and there were threats of her having to evacuate, I had a lot of energy and power in wishing the weather to change. I asked her what was the most important and she told me that she needed the winds to die down so that the helicopters could douse the raging fires. Sure enough I asked for the winds to die down and they did so within about 24 hours. It was important to me to help my friend, so the Universe responded to my request based on the energy level that I exuded in this situation.
I have a good friend. I’ll call him Carl. He is a very busy college student and yet he told me he wished he had a romantic partner. I knew one of the reasons why he couldn’t manifest one. I’ve seen him in other relationships and when he gets busy at school, he just drops his partner like a hot stone. He doesn’t think anything of not returning phone calls from a love prospect for weeks because he is thinking about school not romance most of the time. When someone becomes truly interested in him and wants to spend more regular time with him, he pulls away. My guess is that he thinks he wants a partner, but doesn’t really have the time to devote to one.
Recently I had a letter from a young man who wrote and said that he wants to get a girlfriend with zero effort. That’s exactly what he wrote – zero effort. Now that you know that it takes energy to manifest a love partner, you can guess that his changes are what? Yup, zero. If he is not willing to put some effort into manifesting a love partner, then the universe will match his efforts. It is the law of attraction. And besides, girls, would you want to be with a man who puts no effort into a relationship? I think not! You’d probably run in the other direction. Relationships take effort, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a heck of a lot of fun in the process!
Bottom line – if you have no energy and passion for getting your dream partner, the Universe matches you with no results. The Universe always matches your energy input.
Mistake #3 – You don’t realize that you have conflicting wishes
Conflicting wants confuse The Universe. Say you want to be married and you are wishing to meet your future spouse, but at the same time completely and totally enjoy the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, you may have a conflicting wish. If your belief is that getting married will restrict your happiness and freedom, you will sabotage your efforts to manifest your dream partner. Say you want to get married, but your best friend is single and has expressed to you how much he/she loves to hang out with you every Friday night, you may feel “bad” about being partnered up and leaving your single friend high and dry Friday nights!
So what happens when you have two conflicting wants? The answer is this: when you have two conflicting wishes, the WISH or desire has a GREATER EMOTIONAL CHARGE will prevail. So in the examples I gave you – if you value your freedom MORE than your wish to get married, then you will not be able to find someone to marry and in the other example, if you feel really guilty about leaving your single friend to get married, then you’ll sabotage your efforts to get hitched.
Here is the good news. If you are not getting results, think about what conflicting wishes you may have that are preventing you from getting what you want. In other words, ask yourself, What am I getting out of this situation? Once you’ve diagnosed your conflicting wishes then you can consciously decide which wish gets MORE energy. Where energy flows, results show…the law of attraction.
The "trick" and skill is to become as conscious as possible to all the different "wants" we can have in our lives. When we become conscious of our conflicting wants, then we can consciously CHOOSE one over the other.
Mistake #4 – You stick to your belief system even though it isn’t supporting you
I received a letter from a 22 year old man, I’ll call him Paul, recently who believed that his only chance for love was to grow his height from 166 cm to 185 cm. He said to me “I can’t believe that height isn’t necessarily needed for love.” Wow, I thought to myself. Here is a man who is an expert in the field of statistics, data mining, business and financial strategy – who clearly smart enough – and yet who refuses to believe that he can have a loving relationship because he is, in his mind, “too short” to be loved.”
In Chapter 5 of my eBook, probably the most challenging process in the manifestation process is to uncover your emotions and beliefs that are literally blocking you from creating your dream. This young man would rather stick to his belief that he is too short to be loved than to entertain a new belief that there is no such thing as being too short to be loved.
I told him that my good friend Garry, who is the same height as he is, is happily married to a woman who is several inches taller. Even with this PROOF that short people can find love, Paul completely ignores the possibility that he can be loved and thus continues manifesting the REALITY that no woman is in his life right now.
Marcus Aurelius once said, What a man can conceive and believe, he can achieve. The law of attraction states that what you believe you will manifest. If you believe you are too short, or too fat or too ugly or too poor to manifest a love partner, the Universe will make you RIGHT! You will create what you believe to be true. If you believe that all men are abusive, you will ONLY attract abusive men to your life! If paul believes that short people can’t be loved, then he will attract women into his life that reject him because he is too short.
The Universe makes you RIGHT based on your beliefs. So I want to ask you, Paul, would you rather be RIGHT about being too short to be loved, or would you rather have a loving girlfriend. The choice is yours. Give up your belief about being too short and start believing that height has NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE. Beliefs are just thoughts held to be true by you. They have power only to the extent that you believe in them. Change your thoughts and beliefs to change your life.
Mistake #5 - You have not made SPACE in your life for what you want to manifest.
This is one of the most common issues I see. As the saying goes, the Universe Abhors a vacuum. Basically what it means is that we have to create a vacuum in our lives in order for something new and wonderful to come along. Time and time again, I see that people are hanging on to an old relationship that just doesn’t serve them fully and they can’t let it go.
You know what it is? We are afraid of the void. We are afraid of the emptiness feeling. It is very scary for most of us, so we fill the empty space with “stuff”, “junk” and sometimes people that aren’t perfect. The philosophy is something like, “It is better to have somebody rather than nobody”.
I went through this personally during my quest to manifest my perfect dream love skating partner. When I lost my first skating partner, Peter, I was devastated. I felt such an emptiness, it was as if I was experiencing the loss of a divorce or death. I had fallen in love with pairs figure skating and not being able to do it was so agonizingly painful, I was willing to do just about anything to get another partner.
Before I learned the system of manifesting I talk about in my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, I wished for a new partner but immediately and without knowing that The Universe was going to help me in this quest, set about feverishly looking for another partner on line. It was months of trying out skating partners and at the same time dating different people (one was a skater, the others not), that I realized that I had created a complex life and still didn’t have the perfect skating partner!
When I decided to stop dating new people and focus my efforts on getting a skating partner was when things started to turn around. There were two potential skating partners who were willing to skate with me but I didn’t feel the right chemistry…so instead of hanging on to them, I decided to let them both go. I said no. I was afraid I made the wrong decision because two time Olympic Gold Medalist in Pairs, Ludmilla Protopov said to me once about one of my try-out partners, “Well, he isn’t perfect for you…but having a partner is better than not having one at all”.
So I dared to not heed her advice. Instead, as I realized later after I learned the manifestation system, I created a vacuum. I began really enjoying being single and rejuvenated my singles skating. In fact, I ended up winning an international gold medal as a single skater. Within about a month and a half of that, I met James, my dream partner.
Same thing happened to him after his divorce. James was so needy (he told me I could use that word) and desperate for love after his divorce that he aggressively pursued women to the point that they got sick of his neediness and didn’t return his phone calls.
At last, out of frustration, he asked God for help. He asked God to bring him the right person. Then he sat back and stopped pursuing women. He just created space and stuck to enjoying his drumming practice – his passion. It was a few short months after he “let go, let God”, that I came into his life.
So if you have an old boyfriend or girlfriend you still hang around a lot, you may wish to distance yourself to create space. It doesn’t mean you can’t remain friends, but there is healthy space and then there is unhealthy closeness. If you really want someone new, you have to create space. Same goes for old feelings that are related to another relationship. We cover this is Chapter 5 when I talk about Obstacles.
If you haven’t forgiven someone that has hurt you in the past, you are taking up valuable emotional space in your life, and the Universe will have no room to give you what you want.
In Chapter 6 called Creating Your Vacuum, there is a life Vacuum Quiz you can take to gauge how much available space you have in your life for new things to come in – then we work on strategies to create more space in your life.
Creating Your Vacuum is absolutely the number one step that I see that is no one wants to do in the manifestation process! But it is essential.
Dr. Karen Kan is the author of the revolutionay eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life - a step-by-step system on how to harness the law of attraction to manifest your dream partner.
You can ask Dr. Karen Kan a law of attraction in love question at www.lawofattractioninlove.com - with your submission you will have access to free downloads including an "attracting love" meditation audio MP3 and the eBook, The Science of Being Great.