How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn’t want to do? Was it a family member, a friend, a lover or even someone at work? You really wanted to say no, but it just never came out. So you end up doing something that you later on resent. The result – stress!
Resentment is something to be avoided at all costs. The reason being that resentment eventually turns into bitterness. I’m sure you either know or have met someone that is all bitter and twisted about life did you find them fun to be around?
The other thing to know about resentment is that it is really unexpressed anger. Whenever you say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ there’s two kinds of anger taking place; The first is you blame the other person for forcing you to do something you really don’t want to and the second is you get angry with yourself for compromising your own integrity.
The second form of anger is much harder to recognize because most people get stuck on blaming others for trying to control them. The fact is that no-one can ever control you unless you allow them to so this excuse can be dropped immediately.
Once this has been dropped it becomes apparent that you are really only hurting yourself and your self respect when you give others the power to control you.
The answer – stop doing it!
Yes, it may be challenging at first to say ‘no’ to others who are used to getting their own way around you because that means they have to accept that you are an individual with the right to make your own choices.
While you think that this is the way most people think about themselves the sad reality is that it is the exception rather than the norm. Why? Because the desire for power comes in many forms and manipulating others mentally, emotionally or physically is one of those forms.
The bottom line is that you have spent most of your life training others how to treat you. If you don’t like the way you’re being treated then it’s time to re-train them. By saying yes when you mean no you’ve trained people to believe that you are a push-over and you are there to serve their needs.
Just by changing one word that you speak the message you send out to those very same people is that your time and needs are important to you. This is so liberating, so energizing and so self-empowering that even after applying this for just a few minutes, hours or days you’ll feel a new sense of freedom and confidence flowing through your mind and body.
Do you always have to say no to others? Of course not, only when you absolutely mean it. You’ll know if you don’t want to say yes because the moment you say it you’ll feel annoyed. If that happens then have the courage to let the other person know that you mean no immediately.