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Independent Too Often
By
ANN PATTERSON |
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As Told to Me by my Mother
It’s good to be independent and self-sufficient, except when it’s not.
I spent 82 years feeling that if I depended on others, they would think I was weak. After having a stroke, I realized just how wrong I was.
I grew up on a farm in Oklahoma and was responsible for many chores. The primary chore that Daddy assigned to me was to milk three cows every morning and evening. I did that job very well because I wanted to show that I could work independently. I determined that I would never ask for help unless I was sick.
In my late 20’s along with other field work, I decided to cut broomcorn. Lindsay, a town in our county was called “the broomcorn capital of the world” because in those days, brooms were needed. I arrived at the field early each day and watched the men bend 2 of the 6 to 8 feet tall broomcorn stalks into a table-like structure with the seeded heads over the sides. Then, I made sure that I was the first to start cutting the heads off.
Not only did I enjoy being a “Broomcorn Jonny,” but I was determined to be the best. I was pleased when those who worked with me said that I was the best broomcorn Jonny in the state. When I received compliments like that, I felt independently self-sufficient.
I learned that my determination to be independent and self-sufficient was not always good when I was a clerk at a small pharmacy. My co-workers and I were friends and got along just fine.
Shortly before my 82nd birthday they began to see me reach my hand to my head, stumble or almost lose my balance. Each time, one of them asked, “Are you all right? It’s so unusual for you to stumble. What’s wrong?” The same thing happened at church. To be my independent self, my answer was always, “I’m fine.”
I didn’t need anyone to worry about me. I always took care of myself.
Suddenly, one morning while at church I had a serious stroke. Just before it happened, two of the members expressed concern because I was walking “like a drunk.” I told them, “I’m fine.” Then I fell to the floor.
The stroke damaged my body so much that I must use a wheelchair now and my speech is still difficult for people to understand me. When my children and physician asked me to go to an assisted living facility, in my strong-minded way, I returned to my own home instead.
If only I had allowed my friend’s concern for me, my life would be better now. I should have answered them truthfully because their observations were correct. If only I had followed the suggestions of others and had gone to an assisted living facility instead of being so independent.
I went to my home where I’ve sat in a chair most of the time. That caused my arthritic knee to freeze-up. If only I had taken good advice and recovered in an assisted living facility, I would have stayed active and interacted with many people. Instead, I wanted to be take care of my self in my own way. If only I had listened, I would now feel better and be happier.
It is of great value for people to be self-sufficient and independent; however, I have learned that sometimes
As Told to Me by my Mother
It’s good to be independent and self-sufficient, except when it’s not.
I spent 82 years feeling that if I depended on others, they would think I was weak. After having a stroke, I realized just how wrong I was.
I grew up on a farm in Oklahoma and was responsible for many chores. The primary chore that Daddy assigned to me was to milk three cows every morning and evening. I did that job very well because I wanted to show that I could work independently. I determined that I would never ask for help unless I was sick.
In my late 20’s along with other field work, I decided to cut broomcorn. Lindsay, a town in our county was called “the broomcorn capital of the world” because in those days, brooms were needed. I arrived at the field early each day and watched the men bend 2 of the 6 to 8 feet tall broomcorn stalks into a table-like structure with the seeded heads over the sides. Then, I made sure that I was the first to start cutting the heads off.
Not only did I enjoy being a “Broomcorn Jonny,” but I was determined to be the best. I was pleased when those who worked with me said that I was the best broomcorn Jonny in the state. When I received compliments like that, I felt independently self-sufficient.
I learned that my determination to be independent and self-sufficient was not always good when I was a clerk at a small pharmacy. My co-workers and I were friends and got along just fine.
Shortly before my 82nd birthday they began to see me reach my hand to my head, stumble or almost lose my balance. Each time, one of them asked, “Are you all right? It’s so unusual for you to stumble. What’s wrong?” The same thing happened at church. To be my independent self, my answer was always, “I’m fine.”
I didn’t need anyone to worry about me. I always took care of myself.
Suddenly, one morning while at church I had a serious stroke. Just before it happened, two of the members expressed concern because I was walking “like a drunk.” I told them, “I’m fine.” Then I fell to the floor.
The stroke damaged my body so much that I must use a wheelchair now and my speech is still difficult for people to understand me. When my children and physician asked me to go to an assisted living facility, in my strong-minded way, I returned to my own home instead.
If only I had allowed my friend’s concern for me, my life would be better now. I should have answered them truthfully because their observations were correct. If only I had followed the suggestions of others and had gone to an assisted living facility instead of being so independent.
I went to my home where I’ve sat in a chair most of the time. That caused my arthritic knee to freeze-up. If only I had taken good advice and recovered in an assisted living facility, I would have stayed active and interacted with many people. Instead, I wanted to be take care of my self in my own way. If only I had listened, I would now feel better and be happier.
It is of great value for people to be self-sufficient and independent; however, I have learned that sometimes can be once too often.
Author's Bio
My career has been enjoyable and, as I said I wanted to do in life at 16, "I want to help people", I did that for the past 45 years. I have been a writer, teacher, counselor,administrator for nonprofit organizations that included: Idaho Nurses Association, Retired Seniors Volunteer Program (RSVP), Social Services for City of Davis in CA. I was Director of Volunteer Services for the Idaho State School and Hospital serving the Mentally Retarded, Community Resource Development Specialists for Idaho Dept of Health and Welfare and advocate for mentally ill, mentally retarded (now called developmental disabilities), and fund-raiser/grant writer for the above and numerous other organizations.
I was single, divorced mother of 3 children and raised 3 grandchildren and at 60 I came-out as lesbian, what I knew about myself at age 16 in 1954
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