Always interesting to see what thoughts run through my head as I try to shut down my conscious thinking and spend quiet time in the morning.
About fifteen years ago I sat in a treatment centre, Homewood, in Guelph, Ontario. I had been alcohol and drug free for about 3 months, and this did allow some clarity in thought as I went through a fabulous rehab program. That Homewood is a part of a mental health facility made the experience that much more rewarding.
As part of my new pattern of life recovery, I was introduced to a daily journal. I was told that this was an easy way to get what was going on inside outside of me. I was reluctant at first; to me it seemed like they were asking me to be like a young girl doing a diary. But I gave it a shot.
This morning, the thoughts of one of my “in house” journals came rushing back. I’m sure the words were said before me by some great person Like Winston Churchill, but no matter, they provided a real moment of clarity and personal truth to me.
“Today I saw the enemy, and the enemy was me.”
For years I had battled myself inside. I was filled with internal pain and had turned to substances and actions to escape the pain inside. The pain was caused, I thought, by the world and all the “YOUS” who were part of my world.
The moment of clarity was startling. I had been fighting inside of myself for a long time and it hurt. There was constant inner conflict, and over a period of time life experience learning and defenses had grown in strength and were dominant. I had learned how to shut down the small quiet voice of truth that had been inside of me since birth. The voice that was now dominant was the enemy, and that voice (the enemy) had now become who you saw as me. Scary stuff how that happens.
A milestone day on the road to recovery! And that thought just came right out of conscious “no where” as I was doing my journal!
Today, I am conscious that that part of me still exists. My defects of character are a part of that side of me. Through the practice of good mental hygiene and working daily at my spiritual fitness, the small quiet voice now seems to be the dominant voice in my life. The process of life recovery has given me a new outlook and attitude as I face the ups and downs of life, and for that I am grateful. It is a power that is not me but that lives within that dominates these days, and for many days I have not has to turn to “mood altering actions” to face troubled times.
Do you know who your enemy is? If I can help you find out within, please feel free to contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. You do have choices as to which part of you runs the show.
Keith Bray is a Certified Life and Addictions Coach coaching success by phone. Addiction coaching expert.