To lose your partner is always painful. It is a heartache, any way you look at it. It hurts. Your body aches and your broken heart feels like it is going to explode. You are face to face with the most important relationship decision in your life.
The choice you make at this moment determines how the rest of your life unfolds. When you are hurt by divorce or a break up or a death, you can feel the emotional pain that is in your broken heart. Or you can continue to try to avoid the hurt process. The quality of your spiritual journey and the success of your soul development is hanging in the balance as you choose.
If you choose to avoid the hurt process, your body becomes harder and your heart closes tighter. Your mental health, emotional health and spiritual health declines. And in your next relationship you are sure to repeat the same old “hurtful pattern” that you have repeated time and time gain. Love cannot get into a closed human heart.
On the other hand, you can choose to be wise and brave. You can choose to open up to the emotional pain that is currently happening instead of running away from it. When you choose to open up to the hurt process, your body become more relaxed and your energy flows. Your “hurt pattern” becomes conscious and you do not have to repeat it in your next relationship.
It was a broken heart that kicked my own personal transformation into high gear. So I know that the thing you need to hear the most is that you are lovable and that you are loved. This is what you need to remind yourself of over and over again, even though it does not seem true right now.
In addition, you need to reassure yourself that you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You might be thinking that if you had only done this, she wouldn't have left or if you had not said that, he wouldn't have left. Or if you had only done more she would not have died. Or you might be experiencing regret that you abandoned your partner.
Reassure yourself that you are not an unlovable person. This is in fact true, and it helps to hear it and say it to yourself. A broken heart needs love, not judgment. This is the most important ingredient, so add lots.
Say reassuring things to yourself, even if you do not believe them at first. In addition, spend time around animals and people who love you. And spend time alone feeling and breathing, becoming more aware. And spend time in Nature to receive great comfort.
We know that you are not perfect. Of course you pushed love away with your controlling behaviors. Of course you acted out your unresolved emotional issues in your relationship. This is true of everyone.
Your partner was also doing the exact same thing with you. Of course you blamed them and they blamed you. This is universal relationship stuff.
These emotional dynamic are exactly what you want to become more aware of so that in your next relationship you are better at intimacy. But do not use these things to punish yourself.
Everyone has these relationships problems. No one is perfect. We do not have to be perfect to be loved. Perfect is an image and no one loves an image. We can only love our real self and the real self of others. This is what you want to get better at doing-loving your real self.
As you learn to open, instead of close, to your emotional pain, you are feeling your hurt. This helps the hurt process move through you. The hurt process is a vibration and you can let it go though you instead of trying to stop it.
Hurt is the first sign of life. It is like a frostbitten hand. It hurts like hell when it is warming up. When your hand is frozen and ready to die, there is no pain. You hurt when you are returning to life. So remind yourself that pain is the first sign of life.
You need courage and support to stay in the hurt and feel it. Opening the Heart, audio or ebook, was especially made to comfort you and help you stay with yourself though the hurt process. Available at http://www.drjeanette.com/divorcebreakup.html
I know it is hard and painful when you are in the middle of it. So remind yourself that you are at a powerful turning point in your life. You are learning to stay with yourself though life's natural processes, breath by breath. You are learning to open your human heart so that your spiritual journey can be fulfilled and satisfied.
There is a wonderful, delightful magic that happens when you get to the bottom of the hurt process by fully experiencing your broken heart. Naturally, as everything else in Nature works, there is the end of heartache.
Your broken heart transforms. Naturally like energy always does, when it is free to move, it changes into something new. The area where your hurt was frozen hard in your body begins to open and soften. Now you can receive the love that exists. Open Hearts attract love.
Your heart become strong and healthy, allowing love to flow in and out of it with great vitality. Your mental health, emotional health, sexual health and physical health improves. You have learned the secret of how to heal a broken heart. You have learned how to end your heartache.
You have more power and energy. You enjoy being alone as you become emotionally secure and stronger. In your next relationship you will be less reactive, more loving and happier. This is because you are more emotionally secure and more alive.
Now you are ready to enjoy each moment in the process of your spiritual journey---even the painful ones. You have learned The Secret Power of Emotions.(TM) Order the special report, "7 Steps to Strong After a Divorce or Break Up" for 9.97 at http://www.drjeanette.com/divorcebreakupreport.html
Doris Jeanette, a licensed psychologist, is a pioneer in holistic psychology and author of “Opening the Heart,” an emotional health guide that teaches you how to open your heart. The Philadelphia Inquirer, says Dr. Jeanette does the “Work of the gods” and “Her co-therapist is Nature.” Attend her Nature Workshops, get mentored or learn to read human energy. More emotional energy information in the free library at www.drjeanette.com.