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Letting Go
By
Pamela Dunn |
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Letting go – one of the great mysteries of life! Just when you think you get what it is, or you tell yourself it’s for the best, then comes the moment to “let go” and all hell breaks loose!
Always easier said than done. Why? How can we make it easier, simpler, more graceful?
Look at letting go from this perspective – letting go releases the grip you have on something and when you let go, new realities can enter your life.
Put yourself on a roller coaster. You can ride the roller coaster with a tight grip, clenched teeth, stiff body or you can let go and relax into the ride without resistance. What do you think is more serving? Not letting go is always done with resistance.
Now, good news/bad news - your mind will never be alright with you letting go. Your personality/ego will not let go; it will make it about your very survival and will not see any upside to letting go.
An important point is that you will sometimes want to desperately convince your mind why it should be comfortable with letting go and that will simply never occur.
Your Spirit is the only partner you will have in the letting go process. And one of the ‘arts’ of letting go is to know it is a process. You never let go of something all at once. You never let go of someone. You never let go of a relationship, a friendship, of love. You let go of the way in which you relate. You let go of the current reality.
When a love relationship (for example) ends – you resist letting go of it because you think you have to let go of the person and/or the love you shared, or the whole meaning of the relationship. It is impossible to let go of those; people, relationship, love. We are all one and being in a relationship allows you to experience that oneness. So you must sooner or later let go and what you let go of is the way in which you relate and the current reality.
It will be depleting to your soul to use anger, disappointment, hurt, frustration, resentment, and so on to let go. The art of letting go then becomes a nightmare, not an art, and you have to separate on a spiritual and soul level, which will always deplete and dim the light of your soul.
Going back to the roller coaster. If you hold a tight grip, you will not be letting go of a way to relate or the current reality with the roller coaster and the relationship is strained. Loosen your grip – change the way you relate to the roller coaster and the ride will make your experience graceful, light, fun, and exciting.
In the ‘art’ of letting go you will become comfortable with WHEN to let go. There is a simple method here – it’s time to let go of the way you relate – your current reality – when you become limited, frustrated, and focused on the past. The past is closed and limited – even if it was good. Again, remember your mind holds on to expectations, out dated beliefs, images that in many cases no longer serve you. Use your awareness to know WHEN to let go.
It is important here to realize that I am speaking of awareness – the ability to observe yourself. When you have the strongest urge not to let go, be aware that is a crucial time to let go. This is because your mind has a tight grip and it is always fear based. These fears have no spiritual validity.
Here are some tell-tale signs to let go – "I hate this, It has to end, I can’t stand it anymore, I can’t go on, I have no choice, things have to change or else, you don’t understand, why do you always do this?" Spirit has a good outcome for any situation, if you can open yourself to it. Letting go of that reality and the way you relate will be the key. When you do so, new realities, good outcomes can take its place.
Let’s look at the infamous, “I can’t go on this way anymore.” You have used this or a variation of this before! Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” you will let go of that reality of “can’t” and the way you relate in that attitude (anger, frustrated) and shift to “there is something I am not seeing right now, I accept an outcome I will create.”
If the letting go is still difficult or in difficult situations you will want to remember the part that the ‘art’ of letting go involves a process. You can say to yourself, “I’m really holding on, but I know this experience is not me. It’s simply an experience and I am willing to let go, so Spirit please help.”
How can you tell if you have let go? You will check it out through your physical, mental, and emotional bodies. With Spiritually you never hang on, so no need to check. Incidentally, the further you develop your spirituality and your character, the easier the letting go process becomes, eventually not really hanging on to anything.
PHYSICAL BODY – this will be a stress release. If you are stressed or tense in any way, you have not let go yet. The signs that you have are being relaxed. Your breathing is deeper rather than shallow. Coughing, sneezing, yawning may occur the moment you are letting go. You may want to take a walk, exercise, dance, bathe, etc. Everyone will have their own way of letting go.
MENTAL BODY – you must break down the known in order for the unknown to enter. From a spiritual perspective anything that dismantles your limited beliefs and thoughts is beneficial. You will want new beliefs, thoughts, mental structure. Global Relationship Centers courses (www.grc333.com) are excellent for this because they will cover all bodies. Yet here are some new thought structures. You can just write the ones that you know will work for you.
This is just an experience. I am here on earth to have experiences. There is nothing wrong.
My Higher Self knows what is going on. This situation is for my benefit, even if I can’t see that now.
My fears may come true, but the outcome will not destroy me. It may even be good. I will wait and see.
I’m having a strong reaction now, but it isn’t the real me.
Whatever I am afraid of losing is meant to go. I will be better off when new energies come in.
Change is inevitable. Resisting change doesn’t work.
There is something here for me, if I have the awareness to find it.
The things I fear most have already happened.
My purpose is to let go and welcome what is to come.
Life is on my side.
I am loved; therefore I am safe.
EMOTIONAL BODY – this is actually the most stubborn because what keeps your thoughts and beliefs intact are your emotions (feelings). If you are telling yourself you can’t let go, you are making an emotional statement. The more you avoid the stronger it will return. You may find yourself saying, “I’m never going to get that angry again, or that hurt, or that scared, or that sad. Saying these things is only a set up to experience them again.
Instead of resisting – fully embrace the feeling while moving through the resistance. Let go of your reality that something ‘out there’ is the cause of how you feel. Every feeling is from ‘in here’ and the inner work can heal it.
In the emotional body, you will know you are letting go when you are so dedicated to your inner work that you never doubt that what you are feeling is about something that resides within you that it is time to let go of.
Here are some tips from Deepak Chopra on reframing feelings and emotions:
"Instead of telling yourself your feelings are bad or justified, ask what they have to tell you. They are here to serve you in some way."
"Instead of pushing a feeling away, tell it you want to have a closer look. Moving past a feeling means getting through its layers to the root."
"If a feeling is overwhelming, say to yourself, “I want to ride this out first before I look at it.” This is not you, it is something you are going through."
"If you recognize that certain situations always bring the same reaction, ask what you need to learn in order for that reaction to change. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you’ve always got."
"Whenever you find yourself drawing a line in the sand, setting a boundary, stop doing it. This is resistance and it only makes it worse. Release the feeling – whatever it is. Be like the dolphin."
As you master the art of letting go with patience, dedication, and love, your reality will change. The art of letting go means you will lose much of your past, and the gift is you will find Your Self – rooted in awareness, creativity, and magnificence.
Happy Letting Go!
Author's Bio
Pamela Dunn has a Bachelor of Divinity and is currently enrolled in the American Institute of Holistic Theology for her Doctorate of Divinity.
Ms. Dunn is the founder and President of Center in Love and Truth, a non-for-profit organization where hundreds of people have created wholeness in their lives. She has authored Journey to Your Soul’s Magnificence – What a Difference a Year Makes.
Pamela Dunn is President of Global Relationship Center’s, Inc., a dynamic personal development organization offering courses that enhance your relationships with others and your understanding of yourself, empowering you to create the life you desire. Global’s vision is to foster an attitude of cooperation, peace and unity.
Ms. Dunn resides in St. Louis with her three teenage sons.
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