We all tend to live in our heads a bit too much, especially those of us who are thinkers, writers, computer techs, and other people who spend a lot of time in front of computer monitors. I've noticed that for me, if I don't make a conscious effort to come back into my body, I can get pretty detached. This in turn contributes to less-than-ideal eating, exercise, and sleeping habits, and I can totally forget about having a great sex life or being a Wanton Hussy.
It's like when you're ill and stop having sex or masturbating because you don't feel good physically. Unfortunately, the same thing can happen when you're just too busy with work, children, house guests, travel, or the holidays. Your ordinary habits get interrupted and your best intentions get derailed.
It happens. The trick is to get going again.
Sex re-centers you back into your body, whether you're with a partner or flying solo. It's also got all those other nice side effects like endorphins, relaxation, enjoying your sexuality, and the creation of positive energy. In particular, don't underestimate the power of masturbation! The "M" word is so loaded with value judgments and embarrassment, so let's call it "self love" this month. After all, that's what you're doing: loving yourself.
It's your body- enjoy it! Spend some time loving it, appreciating it, exploring it. Make the time to love it properly. Tease your nipples, lightly run your fingertips over the sensitive skin of your neck, caress your thighs and the curve of your ass before going straight for the goodies and the fastest way to get off.
Try a sensual bath if you're too pressed for time (or too embarrassed) to take half an hour to sensuously make love to yourself. Instead, find a soap or body wash that smells yummy and delicious to you - most drug stores have a wide range of specialty soaps these days. Choose a scent that makes you feel indulgent, whether it's spicy, floral, fruity, or perfumey.
Spend some time slowly touching your body all over, letting your fingers explore every nook and cranny - between your cute little toes, the backs of your knees, the curve of your spine, the soft skin of genitals, underneath your breasts, your lips, your eyelids, your ears. Combine washing with massaging and touching, becoming fully aware of who you are, your physical shape, your luscious body. You don't have to take the self-touch experience all the way to orgasm, although should you feel so inclined, I certainly won't discourage it.
Let the bath be a time for acceptance and love, free of critical thoughts or self-judgments. Focus instead on the positives, the pleasant sensation of touch, the scent of your soap, the warmth of the water, the pleasing color of your lovely flesh. Close your eyes and feel; fully revel in your own deliciousness!
Another suggestion is to play dress up! Every now and them most of us manage an evening home alone - drag out your sexy lingerie, silk kimono, whatever. Eat an indulgently unhealthy dinner (my favorites are bread, cheese, tapenade, and other nibbles). Have some sparking wine, put on some sexy music like Delirium or Sade, and dance around, moving sensuously as if you're seducing an imaginary lover. Or maybe this is the evening for your sensual bath, and slip on a negligee and satin slippers or silky boxer shorts after. Light scented candles or spray some perfume around the house. Watch a sexy movie or porno dvd and make love to yourself. Indulge all of your senses fully!
These are things we all can do, but rarely make the time for. Have a date with yourself. Find your body. Explore it and love it beyond any previous experiences. You deserve this, so schedule a time for your self-love, make room in your life and in your busy brain for enjoyably superfluous indulgences! After all, life is meant to be lived - and our bodies are meant to be loved.
Where better to start than with yourself?
© 2009 Julianne N. Bentley All Rights Reserved.
Julianne Bentley, the original Wanton Hussy, works with individuals (and couples) who want to bring the passion and joy back into their bedrooms.
Drawing on over fifteen years of experience discussing the ins and outs of sexuality, in all its forms, Julianne brings compassion and energy to the process of supporting you in making the changes you need in order to have the sex life you want and deserve.