Meeting The Unprepared Generation

I treated myself to a coffee from the kiosk and sought a seat beside a willow with weeping branches already green-tipped. I drew a deep breath of the clear air and rejoiced with Pippa at the break to freedom we had both made.

Lost in my thoughts, I had not noticed that a young woman had seated herself at the far end of the bench and was bending forward to fondle Pippa. She must have sensed my glance, for she looked up, quickly withdrawing her hand. She looked confused and offered an apology. Hastily, I reassured her that Pippa basked in any attention offered. As I spoke, she again ran her fingers across the curly coat. I was surprised to see a tear course her cheek, only to be quickly brushed away. I refrained from comment, not wishing to intrude upon her sadness. My gaze drifted away, but inwardly my sympathy went out to her. I was aware of the contrast, my joy on this beautiful day, and her sadness. She broke into my idle wondering as to the cause of her unhappiness, speaking uncertainly.

'I know that you noticed my tears. I am being very foolish, please forgive me. I did not want to involve you with my problem. I can see how you are enjoying the sunshine, in fact, that is exactly why my own feelings got the better of me. I really am sorry. You seem so content with your little dog, and with life in general.'

I could hear the choke in her voice. I smiled. 'There is an old saying, "A trouble shared, is a trouble halved." I'm known by my friends to be a good listener, so if you feel like thinking of me as a friend to share with, time is my own. I might even be able to offer some help. If not, we could take a walk in the sunshine and get to know each other.'

'I am so confused, in fact, it is really scaring me. I just shouldn't be feeling like this at all. My friends think that I am ungrateful and crazy. To them I appear so fortunate, and they are right, I am. I have everything that should make me happy, but here I sit holding back my tears. Everyone sees me as being blessed with a good husband, two healthy kids, a nice home, and that's it. Why can't I be happy? I feel so guilty. I hear of other people who have real trouble in their lives, and they cope with it all, and I can't cope with anything. I felt so desperate this morning that once I had taken the kids to school, I couldn't face returning to the house. This morning at breakfast, Roger, my husband told me I had to get a grip on myself and stop being such a misery.' The tears began to flow in earnest.

I was beginning to have an inkling as to the root of her problem. It was becoming a fairly common one in our present day society. A young women who had lost her way, unaware as to how she could help herself. I saw her as part of what I term as the 'Unprepared Generation'. Our kids appear to have everything that modern technology is providing. In every magazine they read, in every advert. with which they are confronted, they are shown the perfection of this easy life we all can lead. We can have the perfect figure if we do this or that, the perfect wedding is glamorously portrayed, the home is easily acquired with minimum payments, as with the furniture and the necessary equipment to make the household chores a dream, not to mention the two cars, the boat, the vacation, and whatever else makes its appeal. Life is a dream when so portrayed. How could anyone fail to be happy?

We parents cannot be blamed for being a little envious of all these conveniences that were not so readily available to us. We can become a little impatient when we hear a grumble from our youngsters, perhaps, under these circumstances, not surprisingly. We must, however, ask ourselves whether we have prepared our sons and daughters for today's circumstances. We should be the wise ones. Or could it be that unsuspecting, we ourselves have fallen into the traps and are floundering too, unable to assist this present Unprepared Generation.

I began to question my confused young friend. Her answers confirmed my suspicions. She was lost in her own confusion. Bombarded as she was with our present day models of perfection, she was overcome with guilt when she discovered that she could not attain the standard supposedly required of a young wife and mother. She was feeling a failure, and this aroused her guilt. Her self-esteem fell to rock bottom. She despised herself for all her imaginary imperfections.

'I'm so tired of trying to keep up with everything. My house is a mess, I rush through the ironing at the last minute. Like this morning, when my husband had to wait for me to iron his shirt. I should be home now sorting the mess. The kids need help with homework. There are always meals to be prepared. Then there's the car pool, and the shopping, and the bills to be paid. I try so very hard to get everything right, and to please everyone.'

As she paused for breath, I remarked that there was one person who was neglected in all this, herself. Her surprise was evident.

'In all this you have forgotten to please yourself. You are the homemaker. A home needs to be a happy place where you can all relax together, be comfortable, be peaceful, enjoy and share together and have fun. For this to happen, you must be happy and relaxed. If you are stressed, your whole family will be disturbed by it.

'We none of us can click the switch of Happiness so that it pops up like the bread in your toaster. To wish to be happy is too indefinite. You make the intention that you will be happy. That slice of toast cannot be swallowed whole, you will take bites from it. You will treat your intention in like manner. Give yourself ten minutes each day to do something that you personally enjoy. This will help to relax you, and enjoyment engenders happiness. Welcome it, savor it, it is your reward.

'If your house is not as tidy as you would wish, think how your children play quite happily in their untidy rooms. My point being that the state of happiness can be achieved in an untidy room. Once you are happy, you will discover that you will notice a flow of energy. Buoyed on its crest you will discover that an intention will form to get a room tidied, a shirt ironed, a bathroom wiped over. Completed, this task will reward you with a feeling of cheerfulness over a job well done.

'In the magazines, the rooms don't look lived in, the models are posed, with wind swept hair blown by a machine, and their clothes molded to their shape with concealed pins! You are living in the real world. Look at your home and enjoy it. Look at your husband and be thankful for a good man. Look at your children with love and see their happiness, it should be a reflection of your own.

'Intend to be happy, this is your first step. Sit down in one of your private times and list all the things in your home for which you are grateful. Read through your list and tick those items that make you really happy. A daily dose of pampering yourself is necessary. Once you build the habit of setting aside your personal renewal time, you will be rewarded with the joy of contentment. With a light heart you will be amazed how rooms get sorted, shirts ironed and with a smiling face you are ready to greet your family. Your home may not present the perfection of the picture book, but it will present the authentic home where you and your family share your lives together, relaxed and content.'

I stood up, calling Pippa to heel. I offered my hand to my young friend.

'Come, let us walk together and enjoy this beautiful day.'