Are your Relationships Nutritious?

By Lisa A. Mascaro

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We encounter all sorts of relationships in our lifetime. Some good, others not so good. Some examples are, men/women relationships, family relationships, work relationships, spiritual relationships, women/women relationships and men/men relationships. The main key here in the total life planning big picture, is to spend time only in relationships that nurture you.

As you consider your own life and the people you surround yourself with, how many are really friends, and how many truly nurture you? We like to call the ones that nurture you, “nutritious people”, people who feed your soul. These nutritious people are good listeners, and they hear what we say. They don’t judge us; they want to know our innermost feelings and we let them in. They are excited to be in our presence and make efforts to have us in their lives. They don’t try and improve us; they love us unconditionally. They make us feel whole.

As we begin this journey we call life, we need to acknowledge whom we are taking on our journey. What becomes evident when we begin to make our life plan is who are WE choosing to participate with. Who do WE want in our life? Are we happy with our current selection of relationships, or is it time to change them?

Many young people enter into marriages without talking about their goals and dreams. They get so enthralled with the wedding, they don’t even think about what they are going to do with their lives afterwards. Meanwhile, after the honeymoon, their exciting wedding is over and now they have to live life. What are the goals you have for the life with your partner? After the honeymoon glow is gone, you have to wake up and do the laundry, make the bed and go to work. This can be depressing for new relationships. Now communication kicks in and you have to look at each other and TALK!

What are your expectations for your life with your loved one? Are you both traveling on the same path? If you have a significant other, maybe now is the time to sit down and write out what your ideal path is. Write down what your dream of, what you see for your future, and how you are going to attain that. Most couples don’t even write down goals with each other, yet they expect to be together forever! Don’t assume your partner has the same goals you do. You might want to do this BEFORE the wedding. You need to communicate and be realistic with each other. Do you both want the same things? Are you willing to compromise? Are there solutions to your problems? Serious questions that demand serious answers!

Families also are relationships we need to acknowledge. We all have them, and they either contribute to your well being, or contaminate it. If your family is constantly being critical of you, demeaning you or making you feel bad about yourself, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! For some reason, a family’s criticism is more toxic than most. Just because they are family, doesn’t mean you have to like them! It is important to also look at your family situations. Are members of your family contributing to your well being? Do you feel good after you talk with them? Are they complimentary, or critical?

Another thing to evaluate is, who are your friends? Are they people you want to continue a relationship with? For some people, their groups of friends may encourage them to participate in activities that are no longer healthy for them. It takes a lot of courage to jump ship and change friends.

For example, if John has been drinking heavily for years, and all his football buddies are heavy drinkers and John decides to quit, well it wouldn’t be in John’s best interest to continue to surround himself with those current buddies. Difficult as it may be, John might have to change his football friends. The same goes for Susie. She is trying desperately to lose weight. Yet, her girlfriends she associates with are ALWAYS eating, and eating unhealthy. Susie loves her friends, but it would be in her best interest to create some new, non eating relationships. Barbara has the same problem, her girlfriends love to shop. Barbara’s credit cards are maxed out. Every time she goes out with her girlfriends, there she is spending endless amounts of money. Solution? You got it, find some new friends.

Easy? Probably not. But you see what happens when we surround ourselves with those that don’t nurture us. We fall into the “pleasing the friends” trap. It is time to no longer go with the flow! You can do it! The path to greater good is sometimes difficult and filled with obstacles. However, once achieved, the rewards will be worth it.

So when you continue to look at your life, ask yourself this, is this relationship I am involved in nutritious? Is it giving me total and complete satisfaction? Only you can answer this. AND BE HONEST!

Ask yourself, if the life you are planning is to be ideal, wouldn’t it involve only those that fed your soul, listened and loved you unconditionally? Can you see how relationships can contribute to your life, or contaminate it? Are you willing to do what it takes to have an ideal life for yourself? It is now time for you to begin to seek out the things in your life that you truly want and desire. Relationships play a huge part in our every day existence, and should be evaluated as such. There is no time like the present to make the necessary changes it takes to have a happy and healthy life!