My Flight to Consciousnessby Carrie McCully

Over the course of my thirty-nine years I have lived mostly in pain. Not pain from physical illness. Deep pain an emotional pain that was partly due to a lonely and sad childhood. Anguish that felt almost karmic or so deep rooted I couldn’t identify with it. I was an anorexic child, an abandoned child. I became a substance abuser early on. Depression and anxiety was my identity. The good girl or the whole person was my shadow side.

I have always had a deep yearning to know God. As a child I would cry out to something (God) to please help me. Someone flip a switch and let the light in, I’m dying in darkness here. I would wail for hours for some kind of healing.

During the course of a very long divorce, which included two trials and two appeals, neither of which I instigated. I would be given a book of some kind that would pull me up to a new level. The most understanding I found was through the works of Deepak Chopra. I needed his teachings of quantum physics to help me put my spiritual beliefs in order. From Deepak I went on to study Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung.

I understood archetype work. I remember at the age of four, paintings in my bedroom of pretty young girls, with huge sad eyes. I would think that’s me. Sure enough, that is what I became. Of course my mother just thought they were cute and the artist was famous. Little did she know how I viewed these paintings.

As my divorce was coming to an end I decided that I wanted to go back to India, my spiritual home. On the Internet I found a tour that would be leaving in February with a group from the Chopra center. I immediately signed up.

Although still drinking too much and depressed, I was starting to really connect with my spiritual self. I thought daily about transcending my pain. Even when I was out partying and drinking, I thought” I will overcome this”. I will not go to meetings and repeat over and over that I was something I felt in my heart I wasn’t. It wasn’t denial it was that I knew if I didn’t get to the root of the issue, alcohol would just be replaced with another method for slow death.

For Christmas I was taking my three kids to London. We arrived at Newark airport to find all flights had been canceled. After reading the flight’s cancelled notice and seeing hundreds of displaced people, I had the kids get on a shuttle to JFK. Flights were leaving from there. JFK had twice as many displaced travelers. I said to my kids, “mommy isn’t going to lie, get mad or throw a fit. But, I will not just stand on this line” I gave the porter a $20 and he took us to the front of the line. I gently explained that my kids were frightened because of 911 and that I needed to leave right away. I was not a rewards member; Just a girl with three kids and discount tickets from the Internet. This lovely lady asked someone to immediately escort us to a flight leaving right away. We walked on and we had been unknowingly upgraded to Business class. A little quick math added up to a $12,000. Fair difference. One of the kids said “Mom you rock!”
I was so grateful to God at that moment.

During the flight I asked my son what he thought of me going to India. His answer, NO! He hated it when I was in Asia. I was too far away and it scared him. As we began to touch down he turned to me and said,” Mommy, If you are going with Dr. Chopra (he knew I read all of his books.) to India, it’s okay. I know you want to start your life over. The plane landed and as we were sorting out our things Deepak and Rita Chopra walked out of First class. I had never met him or attended any of his seminars and there he was. I introduced my children and myself and told him about our flights and the pending trip.
Chopra’s reply,” It was meant to be.”

A light went on in my head, that switch got flipped. I saw the way the universe works in complete harmony. Where everything aligns it’s self to come together for the greater good. When our intentions are for an order higher in our lives, the higher order delivers.

Not for a minute since then have I stopped this process of believing in co-creating my destiny with God. Everyday, I experience something most would call coincidence or synchronicity. I expect it.

The process to wholeness is sometimes swift and more often slow, or so it seems.
Now when I have a true hearts desire for something to come into my life and it isn’t right in front of me. I realize it is because things are working on a larger scale. Maybe, many people are involved, maybe I haven’t learned enough or haven’t developed the qualities I need to receive my hearts desire. When it’s time it will come. Sometimes the time delay offers me the opportunity to tweak what it is I really want.

My spiritual, emotional, mental and physical self move in sync now. I am whole.

If that sad eyed girl came knocking on my door desperately trying to come in, begging for one more night of misery, I wouldn’t recognize her. She’d have to go knock on someone else’s door. There is too much light now, I don’t live in the shadows anymore.


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