By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
We believe that Prenuptial Agreements are a bad idea, period! Just imagine, telling someone that you love him or her, but you don't trust them! To us, this is analogous to having two separate checking accounts in a marriage -- one for him and one for her. In both cases it becomes a case of yours and mine. Or, how about this, “I love you with the following conditions.” Whatever happened to US? We? Love without conditions? If you don’t feel this way about the one you purport to love, why marry them in the first place?
Frankly, we don't believe that the true meaning of "marriage" allows for this sort of duplicitous relationship between two people who say they love each other. True love means true love! You can't have a bonifide loving and successful marriage or relationship when you have a Prenuptial Agreement! People who invented this concept don't know anything about real love and real relationships. Only people with an agenda would encourage something so anti-love, so anti-relationship, and so anti-marriage.
The sad news -- in the United States, prenuptial agreements are recognized in all fifty states and the District of Columbia. This is a sad commentary on the state of love, marriage, and relationships in America. Why do we need them? What ever happened to pure, unconditional love! We believe it still exists! It is still the norm, and thank goodness!
According to Wikipedia, “There are two types of prenuptial agreements: a marriage contract for people who are married or about to be married, and a cohabitation agreement for unmarried couples. A variation for people who are already married is a postnuptial agreement.” We think all three are bad for love, bad for relationships, and bad for marriage. Here’s why.
In our research with successfully married couples over the years, we have found a number of recurring and pervasive themes. Foremost among them is an abiding trust in and for each other. They trust each other completely and without conditions. People who truly love each other do so without conditions. They have unconditional love – as it should be.
Some would argue that since 40%+ of first marriages end in divorce and nearly two-thirds of the marriages of re-married folks experience a similar fate, signing a prenuptial agreement is only prudent and sensible. It is insurance against a failed relationship.
To us, however, this is like saying, “Let’s never get married because our chances of failure are 40%+.” Or, “Let’s not fall in love at all because we might fall out of love in the future.” If the fear of failure motivated most people, very few people would get married! The truth is, marriage is still the chosen path for than 80% of adults in America. Allowing the fear of failure to determine whether or not you should get married is pretty silly we think.
In all successful relationships, simple things matter. Caring deeply for someone – loving someone – is only as real as the honesty of the relationship between the two people who profess to love and care for each other.
We ask you these questions – Do you truly and deeply love someone else? Do you care for another human being more that you care for yourself? Is there someone in your life that you would die for? Is there someone you would like to spend the rest of your life on Earth with? Is there someone you would share your deepest and darkest secrets with? Is there someone that you cannot imagine life without?
If the answers to all of the above are yes, you are completely and wonderfully in love. People like you do not need a prenuptial agreement. What you do need to do is spend your lives together. What you do need to do is cement your relationship with each other. What you do need to do is all of the simple things required to make your marriage or relationship work. What you don’t need to do is sign a prenuptial agreement! The fear of failure never guarantees success. The fear of failure probably leads to failure!
What we have learned from our 26 years of research on successful marriage around the world is this -- prenuptial agreements seem like a bad idea. We hope you agree.
Simple things matter in love and marriage. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
"the marriage doctors"
Authors of Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage
Winner of the 2008 INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Now you can order the Doctors' award winning marriage book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com or www.GoldenAnniversaries.com, the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards Gold Medal Winner for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book. With 26 years of research experience on successful marriage and their own 42-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples, representing 15,000 years of marriage, they've discovered the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. Their book exposes the secrets for success through these poignant, real life stories.
During their distinguished careers the Doctors have received some 65 local, state, and national awards; published nearly 350 articles and manuscripts; delivered over 1000 speeches, workshops and public presentations; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television and in the print media. Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is Dean and Professor of Family and Counseling Therapy at the University of Missouri in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC.
Additional Resources covering Marriage can be found at: