Promiscuity And Marriage Don't Mix

Shortly after the release of a new booklet I wrote this past summer entitled The Promiscuous Woman: Modern Attitudes about Love and Sex (WiseAdviceBooks, 2007), I began to receive numerous letters and emails from many single women who after many years of promiscuous sexual behaviour, now decided they want marriage; however, these women are having a hard time finding someone who will commit to a long term relationship. Many of these attractive and successful young women are feeling their biological clocks expire and desperation for many of them is setting in.

Sadly, promiscuity for more and more women has become a way of life. These women mistakenly thought they could hop in and out of bed and still find Mr. Right whenever they wanted; however, they are finding that this is not the case. It seems that the more sexually liberated our culture becomes, the more difficult it becomes for many to find marriage. The more women emulate some of men’s bad behaviours (casual sex) the more difficult it becomes to find Mr. Right.

Our promiscuous culture has allowed women to exercise their sexual liberties in a way that would have been impossible in the earlier part of the twentieth century, but there is a trade-off. These relationships without commitment do come at a price, as many women are finally beginning to realize. In the not so distant past, women seeking marriage would wait to have sex until a man could demonstrate love and commitment. These women did not want to be just another sexual conquest.

It is a fact that promiscuity reduces a woman’s attractiveness as a potential marriage partner. Men are programmed to react disapprovingly to signs of promiscuity in a potential long term mate (although they don’t seem to mind it in a short-term partner). Women today don’t realize the importance many men (those looking for a serious relationship) place on a woman's promiscuity. Many of these men feel that they would be selling themselves short if they end up committing to a woman who has been promiscuous. People are mistaken if they think that the sexual revolution has eliminated the problem of a girl getting a bad reputation if she sleeps around. Yes, the double standard still exists, and to a certain degree will probably always exist. Times may have changed but our DNA has not.

Please don’t get me wrong, I believe that promiscuity is unattractive and unhealthy (physically and mentally) for both men and women and I don’t support the idea that men are somehow hardwired to want variety. It's not OK for men to say, "I can't help it. I'm a man and I must spread my seed.” A smart woman is just as turned off by a man who is bed hopping as much as a man is turned off by a woman who demonstrates the same behaviour.

Before I end this article I would like to leave you with a short quote from a book I wrote in 2006 entitled A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry your Soulmate (BookSurge publishing):

“Making love is a physical way to honour your love for each other. Sex with your true love can be a beautiful thing and is the only time when you can truly say that you are making love instead of just having sex. It requires trust, responsibility, and respect”.

All the best,
Joanne B. Parrotta, author of A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry your Soulmate