Childhood has been described as an ‘18 year hypnotic induction’ which is often not too far from the truth. Things that we see and experience in our formative years can still impact us hugely and we may not even realise it. A lot of what we experience is what has shaped us into ‘who we are’ but we often are too blind to see what behaviours we created that were helpful as a child – but are not helpful as an adult.
Maybe your parents were constantly fighting and you didn’t want to hear, so you became a bad listener. It’s that behaviour that has YOUR marriage on the rocks today.
Maybe your parents were always too busy for you so you faked getting sick so you could get their attention…. Now as an adult your sick leave has run out and you’ve just caught another bug.
Perhaps you shut off all your emotions so you didn’t feel the pain of a traumatic childhood event – and now as an adult you can’t maintain a healthy loving relationship because you won’t show any emotion.
Perhaps you despise some of your parent’s behaviour so much that it still rules your life twenty years after leaving home. I read somewhere that the strong negative traits of your parents can still affect your own ability to form relationships in one of the following ways:
You adopt the trait and become just like your parent
You rebel from the trait doing exactly the opposite, but are still controlled by it
You project the trait out onto the world expecting the world to treat you as your parent did
You collude with significant others teaching them to act as your parent did
You self-inflict the trait, treating yourself as your parent did
If your parent had a rough time as a kid and they didn’t process their issues they may not KNOW how to give love to a child hence you feel a bit messed up. When your parents have unresolved issues about their own childhood and parents they can project that onto you – which is effectively “handing the issues down another generation” – not such a great thing. If your parents don’t have healthy and mature self esteems that shows in their parenting abilities. If a parent is experiencing a ‘life trauma’ of some kind then that too can mean their parenting leaves a lot to be desired during that period.
The good news is whatever you experienced YOU CAN overcome. Think about your parents worst traits – ask yourself if and how your life is affected by that trait today.
Forgive what and who you need to forgive
Look in the mirror
Focus on the positive
(There are posts about these things at liveknowingthis.blogspot.com)
If you don’t address your issues from childhood (those you know about and perhaps some you are yet to uncover) your children will suffer and carry those problems on another generation. For you to be whole the most important thing you need is a full, healthy and mature self esteem. GET ONE!
Allison O'Neill writes a self growth blog called "Live Knowing This" liveknowingthis.blogspot.com. Self growth has been a huge love of hers from a very young age. She has read hundreds of self help books. Been to all the 'entrepreneurs' seminars she could find, and adores Tony Robbins programs. She loves pondering, writing and learning as she writes. She wants to help people live better and simpler lives while loving learning and growing.