Often people going through divorce focus on the endings it represents - the ending of a relationship, a dream, a way of life. To thrive after divorce requires you to look at divorce as a beginning - the beginning of a new life, of new possibilities for loving relationship, of a sense of self-empowerment and awareness you may have never have experienced before. Here are some powerful "life after divorce" resolutions you may want to add to your New Year's list this year.
1. I ask myself "What can I learn from this?" instead of "Why me?"
Asking yourself questions unlocks powerful learning, but it's important you ask great questions. When I initially start working with clients, they typically spend their time and energy on questions which do not move them forward. "Why is this happening to me?" or "How could he/she do this to me?" are questions that can perhaps never be answered. Things happen, issues come up and people make choices. Where you can reclaim your power is by consciously choosing what you will do with those issues or actions. Instead of these "Why me?" questions, train yourself to view your divorce challenges as opportunities for lifelong wisdom and growth. "What can I learn from this?" or "What could I do differently?" are questions that put you in the driver's seat of your life.
2. I commit to asking for help when I need it.
Do yourself and your loved ones a favor this year by being willing to ask for help. Einstein once said that problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them in the first place. Divorce causes an unraveling of so many parts of your life. It takes time and support to put the pieces back together. Know that it's normal to feel overwhelmed and it can be very healthy and healing to learn how to ask for help if you need it. If you're struggling or stressed out, take responsibility for reaching out for help. Connect with encouraging family and friends. Find yourself a divorce buddy or divorce coach who can help you process and digest your emotions.
3. I make self-care my highest priority and I do one kind act for myself every week.
Stress is a significant factor for people going through divorce which is one of life's most stressful events. However, it also involves many other stress-inducing events such as change in income, major decisions about immediate future, change in living conditions, change in family get-togethers (to name but a few). High levels of emotional stress, if left unchecked, can lead to physical illness. Self-care is truly one of the most important actions you can take to manage your stress and assist your healing process. Self-care doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming. Taking even 5 minutes a day to meditate or sit in nature can help. Noticing and interrupting self-critical thoughts is another form of self-care. This year, put You at the top of your priority list and treat yourself to at least one act of kindness each week.
4. Each romantic relationship I have will offer more love and opportunity for growth than the previous one.
So often people find themselves repeating disempowering choices and habits from one relationship to the next. They end one relationship only to begin a new relationship with the same unhealthy dynamics and patterns. How to break the cycle? First of all, resolve to love and accept yourself. Loving your strengths and your flaws will open up a whole new world of freedom and possibility for you in relationship. Second, make a resolution that each new relationship will be a marked improvement from your previous one. Relationship is the greatest teacher we can ever have to discover our full potential, so commit to using it to explore and express the most authentic, loving expression of yourself.
5. I resolve to go with the flow.
An important step to thriving after divorce is learning to surrender and go with the flow of life. In the breakdown of a marriage, issues can become clearly very heated and there can be many "battles" to fight. It's our ego that wants to take on every battle full force, but this can become exhausting. Our need to control every little thing is simply a sign we are in fear. Tap into your heart's wisdom to decide which battles are most important to you and which ones you can surrender and let go of. It's often in those moments of surrender that issues start to melt away, resolving in ways we'd never even seen as possible before.
Author and spiritual divorce coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, founded Thrive After Divorce, Inc. to help separated and divorced individuals improve relationships, increase self-confidence and save time and heartache. She is the award-winning author of the best-selling The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive After Divorce. If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit http://www.thriveafterdivorce.com now to receive a FREE report.
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