Simple Steps to Better Self-Esteem

By Dr. Scott G. Shelp

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Low self-esteem is all too common a problem. The reality is, each of us is unique, special, beautiful and amazingly talented, but it seems that no one ever tells us this! As a result, we forget it, too. It’s sometimes easy to concentrate only on our mistakes, failures and weaknesses.

Low self-esteem can lead us to accept bad treatment from others, use drugs or alcohol or make other damaging decisions for ourselves. We may feel we don’t even know who we are or where our life is going.

When we improve self-esteem, many new opportunities open up for us: we may decide to try something new and exciting, we may feel more confident meeting new people, or we are better able to work on other problems (if we have any). Better self-esteem is key to a more satisfying life.

Improving how you feel about yourself is a three-pronged approach. There are some things you can do to help yourself in the short-term (#1) but they are not the whole answer. The deeper issues (#2 & #3) should be explored with your therapist. The goal is feeling better about who you are and feeling good about your life and how you’re living it.

1. The following activities sometimes help people feel better about themselves in the short-term. See if any of them sound interesting to you. If so, why not try them.

• volunteer helping others
• learn a new skill
• improve an existing skill
• do something to improve your appearance buy some new clothes, have your hair cut or colored, etc. (Sometimes “look good” = “feel better.”)
• make your home more comfortable or more “you”
• reduce your stress (easier said than done—ask your therapist for tips)
• be kind to yourself; do something nice just for you
• use positive self-talk; stop negative thoughts
• avoid negative people
• seek out people who like and respect you
• avoid activities where you are sure to fail (don’t set yourself up for failure)
• find activities you are likely to succeed at
• try to have a sense of humor about yourself
• make a list of things you really like about yourself
• make a list of your accomplishments

2. More lasting improvements in how you feel about yourself can come when you explore with your therapist how past experiences may have brought you to feel the way you do about yourself. This takes time and trust in your therapist, but it’s worth it.

3. Also, having a clearer idea of what you want your life to be and who you really are can make you feel stronger and more confident. With your therapist, you can discuss how to live “authentically”—how to really be yourself—and to think about what your purpose in life is. During this process you may want to write a "Personal Mission Statement" for yourself.

Congratulations on taking the first steps to feeling better about yourself. Be patient and be optimistic. You are great and deserve to feel better!
Good luck!