THE MASKS WE WEARby Judith Sherven, Ph,.D. & James Sniechowski, Ph.D.

Have you ever put on an act? You know, trying to appear a particular way, hoping people will believe something about you, something that isn't real but you want it to be. Or perhaps there's something about you you're not comfortable with and rather than be exposed you cover it over by putting on a "face."

We all wear masks of one kind or another. Sometimes it's a smile when we'd rather not. Sometimes we want to seem knowledgeable when we don't have a clue. Or we want to look strong when in fact we're terrified.

Masks are part of daily life, and in some instances they are indispensable. But there's a catch. Whenever you choose to screen the truth of who you are behind a mask, you make the judgment that who you are is inadequate, incompetent, inferior, deficient or defective in some way. If you do that enough, you undermine your own self-respect.

Whenever you express yourself and are met with rejection, ridicule or any response that devalues who you are, you stand at a crossroads needing to make a choice. You can decide that the response is inaccurate and meaningless or you can take the rejection to heart, agree that there must be something wrong with you and decide to protect yourself by creating a false but acceptable front.

Once you decide to put on a mask, you've decided to stay in allegiance with those who have rejected you. You twist and turn, making yourself into whatever you believe will gain their favor, so that who you are is thereafter determined by someone else. You become what you imagine someone else thinks you should be and end up without a self of your own.

Living authentically -- living true to yourself -- requires conscious attention. The following list will remind you of the important points to remember as you work to cast off your masks.

1. Masks cover your fear of feeling acceptable. By dropping your masks, you claim self-respect.

2. Your masks block any real connection. By dropping your masks, you open the way for genuinely intimate relationships.

3. With your masks in place, you remain static. By dropping your masks, you can tap your imagination and creativity.

4. With masks on, you feel emotionally hungry and never satisfied. By dropping your masks, your human need to be recognized and valued can be fulfilled.

5. Your masks keep you dedicated to your past, and perpetuate the pain you're trying to escape. By dropping your masks, you make the courageous move to become your own person.

6. Most importantly, masks force you into fantasy, because they put the real you far beyond your reach. By dropping your masks, you set yourself free and make way for the possibility of living a real and satisfying life.

Having just read this, take a moment and look inside. Are you willing to drop your masks, even just a little, and invite people to really know you? Are you willing to find out how people would actually respond to you? Will you concede that their acceptance would be more meaningful than liking you for your performance?

Life is to be lived. This Halloween, take off your masks and really live it up -- for the rest of your life!


Top of Page