Should we grieve?
The Bible says we should cry at birth and rejoice at death. So should we grieve?
First, let me say I believe there is a difference in sadness and grief. The above definition calls grief distress and suffering. To me this is much more than sadness. According to the dictionary sadness and sorrow are associated with grief. But I know from my experience when my mom died, I was very sad. At times I am still sad when I think of her being gone, but I am not depressed, or hurt. Usually these thoughts of sadness just lead me into happy memories of when I had mom with me, and thoughts of her being happy and well in heaven (being a Christian).
But what of those who grieve for months, or even years, unable to function well because of the loss of a loved one? Is this good, or even normal? I think not!
I believe there should be a time of sadness and heavy heartedness right after the loss of a loved one (or pet or divorce or a move), but I think under normal circumstances a person should pretty much be over their loss to the point of normal function within a few days to a couple of weeks after the loss. How long should we grieve (suffer)? Who does grief help or hurt? In the short term it helps us all to have a good cry as we remember our loss, but in the long run we hurt ourselves and those around us when our grief continues to reduce our function for too long a time.
Also long term grief can lead to all kinds of health problems, from depression to pain of all kinds. It is important to help those who are still suffering from loss after a month or two.
How can we help? There are many ways to help those who are suffering from deep grief without resorting to therapy or drugs. First you can be there for them. Help them remember the good times they had with their loved one (pet, X, home, etc.). Keep the experience positive, but let them cry if they need to. It would probably be OK to offer them a shoulder to cry on, but don’t let them dwell on the sadness and pain too long. Keep coming back to the good memories, as these are the healing memories. Let them know, especially in a death, that the loved one will always be with them in the wonderful memories they left behind.
Also, keep checking this website http://griefrecoverythatworks.com for some new CD programs designed to help reinforce the good memories that we have of our loved ones, and to help people only remember the good times. These CDs will be wonderful assets to helping heal the grief we are suffering. I expect to have some of these finished by the 1st of June, so keep watching the website. I will also have a FREE program to help those who have just had a loss to sleep better. Many times right after a loss, sleep is the hardest thing to find.
I hope this article has been of some help to you and your family. Please keep reading these posts for other helpful articles in the future. Subscribe to this feed to get updates when a new article is posted. It is my hope to start posting articles more often in the near future.
Thanks and God Bless you!
James Einert, ND, CH
Grief Recovery Specialist
James Einert is a naturopathic doctor and a certified hypnotist, member of the National Guild of Hypnotists, and a grief recovery specialist. He has had offices in several Arkansas cities and is now working with emotional problems specializing in grief recovery.
James is in the process of publishing several CD relaxation programs dealing with grief emotional issues.
The website is griefrecoverythatworks.com.