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Sign of a cheating mate...
By
Stella Larue |
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Is my partner having an affair?
There you are, all street-smart and savvy. You’re always
alert and on guard for danger while out, for safety's sake.
Where do you let your guard down? At home.
Most people with a significant other claim that their mate
would never cheat on them. But the sad truth is that
infidelity DOES occur, only too often, by both men and
women. So you need to stay alert and street-wise in your
emotional world, too.
We hope that you have nothing to worry about. But, if you
have some doubts, just a gut feeling that things don't "feel
right", then it's time to stop and take stock of the
situation. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Look for these
cardinal red flags:
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in sexual conduct:
--Less desire for sex with you (they are getting it
elsewhere)
--Suddenly more adventurous with sex, new positions or
unusual requests (learned elsewhere)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in attitude:
--More attentive, nicer to you than usual, gifts, etc.
(guilt; divert suspicion; usually early in an affair)
--Gradually starts finding more faults in you; is more
critical; overall change in attitude (justify the cheating
in their mind; usually later in the affair)
--Loses interest in the homestead; no longer as attentive to
home repairs, lawn, spends less time with the kids
(preoccupied)
--Accuses YOU of cheating (to divert suspicion)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in grooming habits:
--Suddenly starts taking more care with her appearance; new
clothes, new cologne, makeup style, new hair style
(impress the new lover)
--Frequent bathing, takes a shower as soon as she gets home
(destroy the evidence)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Telltale physical signs:
--Smell of perfume on clothing; long blond hairs when you're
a short, curly brunette; lipstick on the collar (classic)
--Strange receipts, unexplained credit card bills, phone
numbers, condoms or birth control devices you two don't
use (uh-oh)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Red Flag activity:
--"I gotta work late again"
--Mysterious phone calls, he hangs up phone when you enter
the room, whispering on the phone, abrupt "hang-ups" when
YOU answer the phone
--Gets angry, defensive, or secretive when you look at his
cell phone or computer
--You catch her staring off into space with a smile on her
face, a new and unexplained "glow" or excitement about
them (infatuated)
Use your common sense with this. He may have a temporarily
decreased sex drive due to illness or work stresses. She may
change the hairstyle just because she needs a change. That
"hang-up" may just be an impatient telemarketer.
Use this list of factors "in context". You will probably
find something here that she does on occasion. The key is:
Is it new and unexpected behavior? Is it just a one-time
occurrence, or are new patterns emerging? Are you finding
more than a couple red flags?
If you’ve run through our check list here, and find no
evidence of these strange behaviors, then relax, you're
probably safe. Enjoy the relationship. But if your
investigation has given you more cause for alarm, it’s time
to take a more proactive approach to the situation.
WARNING: DO NOT CONFRONT OR ACCUSE YOUR LOVER YET!!!
Sign of a cheating mate...
Okay, you've thought this over, and it looks suspiciously
like he or she may really be having an affair. In your anger
and hurt, you may be tempted to lash out, confront, and
accuse the dirty dog! That’s the worst thing you could do at
this point, and here's why:
* You have no evidence. If you have no proof, the offending
party can deny it all, and may be pretty convincing, to
boot. Where does that leave you? With lots of doubts and no
answers.
* He has been alerted. If indeed, he is cheating, he will be
much more careful now. He will clean up his act, and may
even end the affair for now. You may never get to the truth.
* You might be wrong! If you accuse her of infidelity
without any proof, and she's really innocent, you can do
serious damage to the relationship. The trust will be
broken, both ways. And broken trust is almost impossible to
restore.
What you need now is proof. Normally, we advocate strict
respect for the privacy of your mate. This means no snooping
in their personal affairs, emails, pockets, snail mail, or
voice messages. If you have no reason to suspect, then back
off, and show this basic respect.
But, if things have gotten to the point where you are pretty
sure he is having an affair, nothing is to be gained by
turning your back on the situation. You’ll just be
suspicious and miserable. And that is no way to deal with
the situation. You must find out the truth, for peace of
mind and the future of the relationship. Privacy rules no
longer apply! Time to dig deeper...
You are now an amateur detective. Keep strict track of your
mate's activities for the next 2 to 3 weeks. Get a calendar
book to record everything.
Out On the Prowl:
Record the mileage on his car and compare it to where he
says he went. How far is work? Find out. Record the time he
leaves for work, and the time he returns. Is he working
late? Check his paycheck stubs to see if the OT is in there.
You recorded his work hours, remember?
Cell Phone Use:
Most cheaters use a cell phone to keep contact with their
lovers. Get the bill, which details all the calls. Is there
a strange number that is called frequently? Do a "reverse
cell phone number lookup" online on that number. If there’s
a small fee, pay it. Match up the times called to that
number. A good place to start is the first call made when he
first leaves for work and the same number called again right
before he comes home.
Money:
They have to pay to play. Look for evidence of increased
spending; check stubs, bank statements, credit card bills,
motel, restaurant and gift receipts.
Snooping:
Now is the time to do a thorough search for clues. Look in
her wallet, purse, glove compartment, and briefcase. If you
can, look at her emails. Get a hold of her cell phone and
check out her contacts list. Nothing is sacred now. Once
again, the ONLY time we advocate this is when you are trying
to get to the truth, and save your relationship.
Came up empty handed? Still have strong suspicions? Not sure
enough to just let it go? Then get professional help. Fork
over the bucks to have a private investigator do
surveillance on your partner. They are in the yellow pages
under "Detective Agencies" or "Private Investigator". You
might not like what you discover, but the money spent will
be well worth the peace of mind. A quality relationship can
not thrive under a cloud of suspicion and mistrust.
We wish you the best of luck with this, and hope things come
up smelling roses for you two! But realistically, this is
such a pervasive problem that we felt this little "heads up"
article may well hit home and be most useful for some of
you.
Author's Bio
Stella Larue is the "ringleader" of a small band of good women who have launched a fun and innovative new website, findlove-keeplove.com. This site provides a plan, and all the tools and resources you need to find true love... and keep it safe forever. Visit Findlove- Keeplove today, you'll be glad you did!
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