After meeting thousands of people, we feel that people can be categorized into 2 distinct groups...
Social Value Givers
Social Value Takers
The phrases "giving value" vs. "taking value" are popular and are often used terms in the self-development community.
What's missing is the definition of what it means to really give value, and what it means to take value. What we'll cover are the hallmark differences between the two, and hopefully, you will convinced why it is important to be a social value giver to pave the road towards your personal social success.
Ok, the reality is there is no clear cut definition. It's really about how about a person makes you feel in any given interaction.
What is a social value giver?
Imagine you are meeting someone for the very first time. For some reason, you feel at ease with this person when you are in conversation with them, and they are actually interested in what you are saying and doesn't interrupt you while you speak. There's a genuine connection between you and this person, and you can sense that this person has a genuine heart and they are willing and able to lend you a helping hand in your life. Because of this, you want to help them and be their friend.
What is a social value taker?
Have you ever met someone and when you met them, for some reason, you felt somewhat put off? After meeting them, you felt less secure about yourself. Maybe they approached you in an aggressive or an over-the-top manner. Maybe they made you feel like you had to keep important information to yourself. Maybe you even felt like you had to keep your wallet or purse closer to you. On the surface, this person didn't seem to be any kind of threat, but for some reason your guard went up based on how this person made you feel.
What we are really trying to convey is when we refer to value giving and value taking, we are talking about the emotional energy that you bring to an interaction.To put this in simpler terms, we consider our definition of value giver the same as being a cool person. A person we feel better off for having met. If you take anything, remember this one thing.
A social value giver is synonymous with being a cool person, a person who you feel better off for having met.
On the opposite side, a person we feel worse of for having been around is the definition of a social value taker or a creep, jerk, ass, bitch. You get the picture.
Being a giver has little to do with money, but it has to do more about what kind of emotional value he brings to the interaction. If you think about it, many of the things we buy, we buy because of the feelings and emotions these things give us.
Traits of a social value giver:
* A social giver is someone who can by their nature, give us these feelings just by being around them.
* A social giver approaches an interaction without a hidden agenda, they listen to you and actually listen to you. They aren't just waiting for their turn to talk.
* A social giver smiles and goes into an interaction seeking to contribute something of value even if that means saying nothing and listening.
* A social giver can give you the benefit of the doubt and puts his faith in the goodness of the universe and the goodness of others.
* A social giver enters a social interaction with the intent of sharing whatever value he brings to the table.
On the other hand, a social taker is someone who makes you feel less of yourself for being around them as opposed to feeling more fulfilled and enriched.
Traits of a social value taker:
* A social taker is only out for themselves. They are always thinking what they can take or get. Their intent is to take, whether it's emotionally or monetarily.
* A social taker comes from a scarcity mentality. They believe if they give something, they will run out of it. Who runs out of smiles or good will or compliments?
* A social value taker enters an interaction thinking, "How can I be better than these people?" as opposed to a social giver who thinks, "How can I enrich this interaction and make this a better time for everyone?"
* A social value taker rarely listens to what you're saying. They are formulating their comeback even before you are done speaking.
* A social value taker always waits to be offered something first, rather than offering something first.
* A social value taker rarely introduces you to their friends, for fear that you may lure his friends away.
* A social value taker is someone who is negative, complaining and bitching all the time.
Honestly, we are all social value takers at some time or another. The key point we want you to remember is to always seek to give value first when interacting with others. The reason is that when you give value first, you create value in others. You'll notice the most generous people in the world are the greatest value givers and living in abundance. They seek to share with others, and others want to share with them. Everyone is better off.
Ok. Now, here are a few mindsets you can practice giving on a day-to-day basis.
1. Always share what you have, because when you share what you have, people are more willing to share with you.
2. When going into social interactions, go in with the mindset, "what can I give to this interaction?
3. Also think to yourself, "How can I enrich this situation emotionally?" Look people in the eye. Smile when you greet people.
These things are extremely basic, but for a lot of us, we only get better at it with practice.
So to help you practice being a social value giver, we've come up with a three part homework assignment. It took us some time to really quantify what it means to be a social giver, but we think you'll enjoy these practical exercises.
Part 1. Think about what we've discussed and come up with 2 examples of being a social value giver and 2 examples of being a social value taker.
Part 2. In the next week, give 5 genuine and sincere compliments to someone new... and walk away. This will get you in the mindset of giving value for free.
Part 3. In the next week, whenever interacting with hired help, greet them and give them a smile. We're always in a rush, and we're in our own world. By doing this, you will be actually making someone's day.
On the surface, these exercises may seem weird, but once you do them, you'll feel this amazing feeling that you can't describe. That's the feeling of being a social value giver.
We hope you've learned even the slightest bit of knowledge and motivation from our discussion, and we hope we've clarified and also brought to your attention the importance of being a social value giver.
We started Social Fundamentals as a way of teaching people to have excellent social skills, how to exude a powerful and charismatic presence, and finally, how to build your social circle from scratch.