Itâs confusing, isnât it? One moment you think youâve found your soul mate, the next moment heâs stopped calling.
You rack your brain for any clue that would explain his behavior. Nothing. Zero. You got along well, he worshipped the ground you walked on. He was smitten by you as much as you were by him.
Or so you thought.
Should you end the relationship now, while you can still crawl out of the black hole called love? After all, heâs not the only fish in the sea. Or should you aggressively pursue him to convince him that you ARE the one for him?
Whoa. Hold your horses. You may be surprised by what Iâm about to tell you.
For most guys, itâs normal to pull away just when a relationship is about to move forward. And hereâs one big reason (though not the only one) why your guy does this:
Heâs afraid to commit.
The good news is that once a man withdraws from you for this reason, heâs most likely into you. Youâve struck a chord in his feelings, youâve reached his heart, and heâs falling in love with you, if he hasnât yet.
Which is why heâs afraid. He feels the need to get away before you change his world.
âBut I donât want to change his world,â you say. âI just want to be with him.â
His response to that would probably be,âYou say that now.â And you know what? Iâd say the same, and here's why.
A woman has the remarkable ability to change a manâs world, whether she intends to or not, whether she denies or confirms it. She can change her manâs world for better orâunfortunately--for worse.
And thatâs the risk your manâs afraid to take. Perhaps heâs been through this experience before. Perhaps his world's been turned upside down once too many. No, sir, heâs not going to feel trapped again.
He wants to protect his world, so he plays it safe. He pulls away.
What should you do?
Nothingâat least for the first week or so. Youâll be doing him a favor if you stayed away. Most likely heâs overwhelmed by his feelings. He needs some time away from you to sort them out.
In short, leave him alone. Give him the space he wantsâthatâs what heâs trying to communicate to you by his withdrawal. Donât pick up that phone, donât send a âjust to say hiâ e-mail, donât send a message through a mutual friend.
Thatâs painful, you say. It sure is. You feel helpless, not knowing if heâs coming back, much less when.
But look at it this way: if he decides to come back, chances are heâd decided that his world would be better with you, than without you. That the world he'd wanted to protectâto keep intact--could only be enhanced by your presence.
The key word here is patience. Don't look at this time apart as an unnecessary delay in the blossoming of your relationship. Instead, look at it as "building" time, for as the two of you remove the uncertainties that find their way into any romance, you add a few more bricks to the foundation of a lasting relationship.
Now, isnât that worth the wait?
Editha Rodriguez is the author of "The Busy Couple's Guide to Everyday Romance: Fun and Easy Ways to Keep the Spark Alive." Romance doesn't ever have to take a backseat to work, kids, chores, or any of the other constant demands of your multi-tasking life. Everyday romance--whether you're together two years, 20 years or 50 years--is possible. This book shows you why, and how. For more romantic tips, visit www.everydayromance4busycouples.com.