New divorce or breakup? Are you ready to start dating again?
You’ve recently split with your mate. You’ve gotten past the initial devastating emotional state that comes with a serious breakup. You’re lonely, and long for companionship again. But is it time to start dating again?
First of all, you must make sure you are ready emotionally to re-enter the dating scene. If your failed relationship was important to you at all, you must let enough time elapse to properly mourn its passing. Even if you were the one to initiate the breakup, that relationship was once a meaningful part of your life. Give yourself enough time to get over it. "Rebound dating" can not only lead to disaster, it's not fair to your new dating partner. You must get rid of old baggage first! And only time will do that.
How do you know when enough time has passed? These are three reliable indicators:
1. You have made a clean break with your ex. No more contact, no more "wishful thinking". You will never move on emotionally as long as you still harbor romantic feelings or dreams of reconciliation with your ex. Put away all the pictures and souvenirs from your old relationship, and quit calling him "just to ask a question". Time to go “cold turkey”.
2. You have examined your past relationship, accepted some of the blame for the breakup, and have lost the bitterness. Have you ever dated someone who was still bitter about their recent breakup? Wasn’t very pleasant, was it? It poisons their attitude, mood and interaction with you. Think about this when you decide to start dating again.
You’ll need to leave the cynicism, sarcasm, and anger behind. A man-bashing or woman-hating mentality will get you absolutely NOWHERE, but alone. It may help a lot if you take the time to analyze what went wrong with the relationship, and admit to yourself that YOU, yes YOU, played at least a teensy part in the demise of it. Accept some of the blame, forgive the rest, and move on with your life. Your new date (or potential soul mate) will thank you for it.
3. You have found a certain amount of happiness and direction all by yourself. Don't decide to start dating again simply because your Ma or your best friend is nagging you. You are the best judge as to when you are ready to re-enter the dating scene. If you can honestly say that you are fairly happy, not still grieving the loss of your mate, and moving on socially, then it may be time to start dating again.
You have re-established contact with your old friends and made new ones. You are getting out more, socially. You have a new-found energy towards your career or hobby. You are making plans for the future that don't involve a new soul mate. Don't start dating again while you are afraid of being alone, desperate to find a new partner to make you "whole" again. Needy desperation is absolute poison to a potential new relationship.
***Rule of thumb: Start dating again because you "want to", not because you "need to".
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