Too Much is Never Enough

I was a monk for eight years and have been married for almost as long. Amazingly, the lifestyles are more alike than you would think. In both the monastery and marriage, simplicity is, very simply, a key component of success — and these days, more than ever. All of us are aware that we live in increasingly complex times. More often than not, married partners struggle with — two jobs, two families, two cars, two pets, two credit cards, two bank accounts, and maybe even two kids!

In the rare quiet moment, we are reminded that we simply have to much going on. Yet, there may be a deeper truth — we may not be dealing with complexity, but instead with ADDICTION!

"Hello, my name is Greg, and I'm an addict!" Absolutely! I'm addicted to many things, as are most of us — our cell phones, cars, computers, music, chocolate, gossip, sex... the list is long. But not long enough, because we always want... MORE! Recently, I've been receiving a lot of calls about my latest book, "Our Heart Virtue." The book has striking stories of how we get wrapped up in things that ultimately don't satisfy us, and why. Let me tell you about Christine.

Christine was 18 years old, the daughter of a wealthy client that I had been coaching. Hard as it was for her mother to admit, Christine was addicted to drugs, and the attractive girl's life was going slowly but steadily down the drain. Her mother had tried everything to help. Christine had been in several rehab centers across the country, but no program or process seemed to give her what she was looking for. Finally, one
morning she woke up in the hospital with both arms paralyzed from an overdose.

Anyone might think that, finally, she was sufficiently scared, but no. As usual, Christine ended up at her mother's door, begging again for help. Exasperated, her mom realized that all her past "help" was only perpetuating her daughter's dependence. Unwilling to remain in such co-dependence, the mother told Christine that there was only one thing that might help her, and she gave her my business card, and said, "Call this guy. Maybe he can help." On staff at one of the rehab centers in Malibu, I counsel people of every age, profession and background. Yet, don't deal with people's addictions — because I know two things: You can't change others; and, you can't change yourself. But we don't need to!

All we need is a deeper understanding about what means the most to us. Once we are clear on our innermost passion, our deepest purpose — we automatically get goose bumps. Our motivation kicks in, and we begin becoming the hero we always dreamed of We become so fulfilled in our lives that we forget where we left our "drug" — it's that simple.

So, when Christine came, she knew only two things about me, that I had helped her mother find out what meant the most to her, and how that realization had begun to transform her life. So, Christine sat down, and I began to listen — as I have so many times — to one of the most fascinating people I have ever met.

She went through my "Heart Virtue" questionnaire to find out exactly what meant the most to her, and together, we identified the single thing that thrilled her heart. In Christine's case, it was the issue of Empowering Women. I watched the lights go on for her. Everything in her life fell into place. She saw that the reason that she was taking drugs was because she didn't know how to be an Empowering Woman. She took drugs to mask the pain of not knowing her role and her real responsibility. I told her that she had been living a "normal" life, a familiar life, but not a "natural" and fulfilling life. She had just been trying to fit into her culture, "playing the game" as best she could.

We went through a vision process, developed a mission for her, and together we determined how she could realize her commitment to empowering women by making a unique contribution. Since our first session, Christine has not touched drugs. Today, she is 25, and surrounded by powerful and productive women. She has joined them in work that thrills her to her bones.

Let me be clear. Christine's transformation is not about me. I simply found a way to remind her of what she already knew, but had temporarily forgotten. Yet her path is the same as every hero — in history, in a monastery, or in marriage.

Here's some definitions you won't find in the dictionary...

Beliefs — Filters though which one perceives reality
Change — The only thing that doesn't
Crisis — The crossroads of pain and gain
Friendship — Giving people back to themselves