I am sure you have heard this title or formula either from the media, either from your girlfriends, complaining that they are the ones who sacrifice in a relationship.
But is it truly possible to love too much?
Firstly, we would have to agree on a definition of love so we can see who are the heroes who goes behind that. And that is pretty much an impossible mission, since thousands of years of evolution didn't improve much in the way we live and understand love, much less on having a manual of love and relationships.
But since we are human, we will compromise and agree that love is a deep emotion that fulfills your soul, gives you meaning and makes interaction with people worthy of deeper levels.
The problems arises when, for many women, love is indeed the triumph of imagination over ration.
And I will not be misogynistic (not me) and I will expand this pathological side of love to men as well. Many women and men will get actually attached on the feeling of love, on the intense chemical revolution that is sparked within the brain by the projections awakened by this feeling and will engage in unhealthy forms of "love".
More often than not love is misinterpreted as attachment, illusion spiced with it's intimate friends - possessiveness and jealousy all along the ride.
Women who love too much are women who will keep investing in a relationship although all the signs tells them hat they should move on. Women who love too much are those who give too many second chances, women that will hold an irrational hope that things will change or get better, even after years of progressive decline of the relationship.
Women who love too much are women who will keep giving and giving, without getting not nearly half in return, are women who misunderstand forgiveness with naivete.
And since this society it is still a misogynistic one, with higher payed jobs hold by men, with discrimination against women in the hiring process, with much less women in high key position and with a sex industry exploiting mainly the women, then this biased society will oblige women to take decisions having in mind many other reasons than that of "free love".
Women who love too much tend to get more attached emotionally and financially, they will center their live around The Man, fulfilling their live by fulfilling the man's live.
Women who love too much are women who give up on searching a personal meaning for their life, whose main job is to build a pedestal for the relationship and their man, who will find meaning in nesting an emotional attachment - efforts which will be rewarded most of the time with indifference and neglect.
And that is happening because one of the secrets of a healthy relationship is independence. And when yoru partner will be burdened by your expectations because you give so much, most of the time they will try to escape and take distance- exact the opposite effect you expected.
If on the other hand you show independence, on all levels - emotional, sexual, financial, intellectual, then your will become a wanted person - everone is secretly in search for this kind of partner. It's just the complicated web of our minds doesn't allow us to be aware or voice freely our desires.
When one has found the happiness and fulfillment by it's own life choices, then the relationship won't be an expression of a need or of the desire of escaping loneliness - but an expression of the desire to share the beauty of life, to enjoy together the understandings and individual fulfillments.
But most of the time people will engage in relationships from all the wrong reasons. I guess it is a kind of weird pleasure in experiencing that possessiveness feeling of belonging to someone, a kind of unreal security which we would like to be real, that nothing bad is ever going to happened and that our existence will be validated by being seen and acknowledged by the loved one forever.
This lie is sold to us since the very step of a marriage: the vows, the promises that we make to each other eyes in eyes with a spark of an unrealistic happiness - because life around us is proving us wrong at every step. And yet we keep continuing to lie to ourselves and make irrational emotional investments - it is a kind of shared madness.
Another reality of life is that we have to come to terms, at a point, with the feeling of insecurity which is an implacable principle of life, but yet we try to deny it or escape it by any means.
Learning to tolerate a certain amount of uncertainty and even enjoy the mystery of life, being confident in your own powers to attract always fulfilling experiences, will give you the power and freedom to not be possessive and needy in a relationship.
Will give you that aura of self confidence and nobless that is ever so seductive because everyone is unconsciously seeking for this: finding balance within themselves and achieving a level of happiness less dependent on people or exterior factors. And if they see that in you, they will follow you like a magnet - they want to be close to someone who they would like to be like.
Women who love too much can learn to love themselves firstly more than loving others and find fascination and fulfillment in various dimensions of life - life is so generous in it's offer of ways of doing something great. Maybe you won't get the noble Prize but at your own award ceremony you can get an Oscar for a life lived after an original screenplay - yours!
And then you might switch places and be the one who is loved too much - with real, conscious love!
Those are the moments when an objective and qualified opinion can bring insight and objectify situations that otherwise are complicated and may take a long time to get resolution. My promise is that my experience, not only with clients but both as a player of this game, entitles me to offer you the needed help in troubled times.
Seek for an experienced therapist when troubled times knock at your door: you may be so caught in the tension and lost in trying to understand, that a rational and objective opinion might be just the help you need. Relationships can be beautiful, it's just that we all need to become artisans with a Phd in the art and science of relationships!
Learn more about Sophie Rinaldi or get a session of online counseling through life chat or email advice at www.therapy-counseling.net
Sohie Rinaldi is a life coach and licensed counselor.
Sophie Rinaldi holds a master degree in psychology, certified trainings in cognitive therapy, psychodrama, transpersonal therapy, NLP trainings, positive therapy, ericksonian hypnosis, non-violent communication, art therapy, yoga therapy.
Sophie Rinaldi puts all her knowledge, experience and wisdom in supporting and helping all her clients to understand, improve and redesign their life. Each of us is a psychologist at heart, but the true science empowers and reveals many of the mysteries of being alive, without taking the magic out of it!
You can learn more about Sophie Rinaldi or have a session of online counseling through live chat at therapy-counseling.net.