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Your Fearless Inner Child - When She Thrives You Thrive!
By
Tamara Johnson |
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Have you ever watched a young child playing care-free in the park, jumping fearlessly from high places or imagining wildly that she is an airplane pilot or a prima ballerina or a lion tamer at the circus? When you have seen such a child, do you wonder where your own inner, care-free, fearless child went? Have you ever thought of pursuing your childhood dreams as if they were more than just dreams but, in fact, potential realities in your life?
As I have observed people in their lives, I have noticed that there are three categories of people . . . . The first category is filled with people who had rich, fulfilling, adventurous childhoods. These are the adults that have maintained contact with their sense of playfulness and who really drink life in, squeezing the most out of life as they possibly can. These adults have an active, compassionate relationship with their inner child and they let that child come out to play from time to time. They get enjoyment from life and don't apologize for it nor do they feel guilty about it. But simply because these individuals know how to access their inner child does not mean that they allow their inner child to lead them in important matters in life. The people who make up this category know how to balance between work and play and know how to engage their adult self or their child self, depending upon the demands of the situation.
The second category of people are those that may not have enjoyed such happy childhoods, but they have worked hard to acquaint themselves with their inner child and have learned to nurture and protect that child. These individuals recognize that although their caregivers during childhood did not nurture and protect them as they should have, it is never too late to nurture and protect the child within. These people understand that the only perfect parent for their inner wounded child is themselves. Although these individuals may have struggled to like themselves, they are consistently working to develop a loving relationship with themselves. For these individuals, the feelings of guilt or shame serve as signals that something in their inner world requires nurturing, corrective attention. Although compassion does not come easily, these individuals seek to learn compassion toward themselves and recognize that the healing journey is not a quick trip, but an ongoing process of growth and development.
The third category is filled with people who experienced hardship during their childhood and have tried very hard to abandon the self that experienced those difficult times. What I mean is that some of us blame our child self for the misery we experienced during childhood. Do you think you suffered as a child because you were too lazy, too ornery, or too ugly? Can you look back at your childhood experiences and identify a reason for your suffering that originated in your own behavior? Do you think you "got what you deserved"? Do you think, "my parent treated me badly because I was not a good girl. I deserved to be ignored."
Let me tell you that every child who does not get her needs met or that is abused or treated with neglect believes that the problem is her fault. For a child, it is easier and less threatening to believe that she magically controls her parents' moods, behaviors and attitudes than to believe that she is at the mercy of parental whims and the absence of parental self-control. In reality, no child has the power to direct her parent's behavior, but just like keeping our fingers crossed to make a wish or hope more likely to come true, the child believes that her behaviors can favorably influence what her parents will do and how they will treat her. The end result of this kind of magical thinking in childhood is the unfortunate belief that if your parents mistreated you, it was because you were not good enough. Because your magical childhood powers that you thought would make your parents nurture you in exactly the way you needed them to did not work, you assumed that the problem was you.
An essential first step in your healing process is for you to recognize that the problem was lack of judgment, lack of maturity, lack of intellect, lack of compassion or any other lack that your parent possessed. The problem was your caregiver! It was not you!
As a way to understand this point, I want to challenge you to begin a journey toward getting to know your inner child. Go and find photographs of your childhood. Look at those pictures as if you did not know the child you are looking at. What do you see? Is the child happy or sad? She can communicate to you without words. Look at her and try to imagine what she thinks and feels. Now, as you are looking at her across time and from your adult perspective ask yourself this question: "What does this little girl need?" What did she need that she did not get? How can you give those things to her? If she needed more hugs, what can you do for her that would feel like a hug? Can you find a snuggly stuffed animal that would delight her? Do you have a favorite scent that you could find in a lotion or bubble bath? Find some things that feel like nurturing to your inner child and indulge her. She can grow to become fearless and fun-loving, but you have to create a safe, loving environment first. It is up to you to help her heal and she will reward you for your efforts by helping you to find the joy and the beauty and the soft-cuddly warm fuzzies in life. The journey is well worth taking, even though the thought of encountering your inner child may seem frightening at first. Remember, you are an adult now, not a defenseless child. You have all the resources you need to heal your inner child. You can do it!
Author's Bio
Tamara Johnson has a vision and passion for providing women with the tools they need to lift themselves to higher levels of health, happiness and fulfillment in their lives. She believes that effective healers must themselves be committed to growth and personal development. With that belief and a rich background of life experience, Tamara is uniquely equipped to effectively assist her clients as they negotiate difficult life experiences. It is also from this background and passion that Tamara wrote her book -- Pull Yourself Out of the Mud: Know and Love Who You Are and Get MORE Out of Life!
As she has worked with women and observed them in her personal life, Tamara has noticed that many women carry the wounds from life experiences in such a way that they lose contact with their value. Often times, this de-valuing of self is simply accepted as "the way things are." As a result, women find themselves in situations that re-injure them over and over again. They have difficulty learning the appropriate times and ways to say "No." They also end up isolated and suffering because they lack the support of other women, whom they see as competitive forces that threaten an already insecure sense of self. This state of affairs for women has troubled and infuriated Tamara to the point that it has become her personal crusade to teach women of their value, their strength and their need for mutual support.
From her drive to start a revolution that heals every woman’s life, Tamara launched The Get Out of the Mud Show, an internet radio show and podcast for women. Tamara is also a Founding ArcAngel for Humanities Unities Brilliance (HUB) where her humanitarian efforts include her current project: establishing The Get Out of the Mud Foundation, through which Tamara will empower women who have been impacted by Domestic Violence and Homelessness to heal their lives, once and for all.
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