By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
How will I know when I find Mr. Right? What if I am making a big mistake? Is he really the ONE, or should I walk away? These are critical questions women must ask themselves when they try to decide whether to move on with a serious relationship or whether to they decide to move on to find the real Mr. Right.
In our three decades of research about successful love and relationships, we have learned lots of answers to the most commonly asked questions about this subject. As our loyal readers know, we are passionate about our work. We have spent half our lives in search of great marriages and relationships around the world. It has been our labor of love.
Our research has taught us much. At the top of the list are the seven ways to know if Mr. Right is the right one for you.
1. Actions speaks louder than words! Always remember this – it is not what someone says that matters. It is how they act. If Mr. Right says one thing and does another, beware! If Mr. Right kicks the dog and tells you how much he loves dogs, beware! If Mr. Right tells you how much he loves you and then disrespects you, beware! Know this – many people who think they are in love, are often confronted with this reality – Mr. Right does not act like Mr. Right; Mr. Right does not practice what he purports; and Mr. Right demonstrates in many ways the hypocrisy that guides his behavior. Don’t be fooled just because you are in love with being in love!
2. The Donuts always tell the truth! You say, what in the world are they talking about? Here it is in a nutshell. You and Mr. Right go to a donut shop to buy donuts. He asks, “What kind of donut would your like?” You say, “I’d like a chocolate covered chocolate and a glazed donut.” He brings you a French cruller and a cinnamon covered donut! He takes you to a movie and asks – “What would you like to see?” You say, “The Help or Crazy Stupid Love.” He buys tickets for Rise of the Planet Apes.” You get the point. Mr. Right respects you so little he believes that you don’t know what you like! Go figure.
3. He is always first in line! You stop to have lunch at your local fast-food restaurant with Mr. Right. Your mother and father are with you. You arrive at the restaurant. He is first in the door. He does not hold open the door for you and your family to enter the restaurant, and he is the first to order! He is likely to wait for you or your parents to pay for the meal. When the meal is over, he expects you to clean up the mess left at the table. He is the first out of the door. Beware of the warning signs! This is not the man you want to marry!
4. He is in the habit of telling you something that isn’t quite true. Your trust in Mr. Right is waning. Your heart (your intuition) is beginning to tell you he is not truthful with you on the things that matter to you. You catch him in lies and distortions, from time to time. He tells you he is going one place and ends up going to another. Mr. Right is starting to make you feel uncomfortable about your relationship with him. He is starting to cause you to question his honesty. He turns out to be, in the end, someone you could no longer trust. Isn’t trust at the heart of all loving relationships?
5. You do NOT tingle at the presence of Mr. Right anymore! There was a time in your relationship when he excited you, made you feel special, made you tingle at the sight of him. But now, you find him to be just another ordinary man – a man without feeling, a man without emotion, and a man who no longer excites you or makes you feel special. There is no doubt about this – feeling positive emotion in a relationship is a pre-requisite to a healthy and happy one. When you no longer have intense feelings for Mr. Right, probably time to move on.
6. Mr. Right turns out to be a fraud! You trusted him, you loved him, and you thought he was at the center of the your universe. Then something happened. He started to disappoint you with his words, deeds, and actions. You could no longer predict his responses, reactions, or the positions he took. He was all over the board. And in the end, you discovered that he was, indeed, a fraud. He had no moral compass, no convictions, no sense of right and wrong, and no emotional center. You are no longer sure of who he actually is. Frankly, you are beginning to wonder if Mr. Right is really the Mr. Right he pretended to be.
7. Mr. Right thinks Sex is the most important part of your relationship! Our research over the years has taught us many lessons about the importance of sex in a relationship. In the early stages of a developing relationship, sex seems very important. But here is the real deal – the successfully married couples we have interviewed in 46 countries on six of the world’s seven continents tell us this – on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high, the importance of sex to the overall success of their marriage as 6.2 on a 10-point scale. This finding does not in any way minimize the importance of sex. It does, however, put it all in perspective. It is not the most important part or sole determiner of a healthy and successful relationship. Don’t be fooled if Mr. Right tells you that your submissiveness in sex is the most important element to the success of your relationship, you know it is time to move on. Sex is fun, but it does not define a successful marriage or relationship. Take that to the bank.
Mr. Right is not always right for you. Sometimes, it takes awhile to discover the truth. However, if you review and understand these seven simple signs of trouble, you will be in a great position to discover if Mr. Right is right for you.
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For hundreds of tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships
As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 29 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 45-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.
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