Adult Peer Pressure and Toxic Relationships: Are they Stealing your Dreams?

By Maria Mar

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You tell your children not to give in to peer pressure. But do YOU recognize the level of adult peer pressure you carry on your Psychic Shoulders? Is it taking a toll in your manifestation process? Find out!

Let's start your exploration with a beautiful parable I use in the Toxic Relationships Self-help Kit: Love them, but LEAVE them. For more information about the kit, visit: http://www.catchthedreamexpress.com/toxicrelationships-self-help_kit.htm

Ready? Look up. There, on the lowest branch of that chestnut tree. Listen!

The Parable of Haughty Hawk and Terrified Tweeter

Terrified Tweeter jumped from branch to branch, tweeting as hard as she could. Her friends, scared of the terrible danger that the small bird announced, stayed safely at a distance. They admired Tweeter’s courage. Such a tiny bird, staying on the same tree as that mean predator, Haughty Hawk. What courage! Small as she was, Terrified Tweeter was relentless. Her tweets were so loud that her whole body shook with their resonance.

Meanwhile Hawk sat on a steady branch at the other side of the Ancient Tree, meditating. But it was hard to meditate with all the racket that the tiny bird was creating. Haughty Hawk was annoyed. Why was the bird so scared now, when they had co-existed peacefully for years?

"I thought she was my friend," Haughty Hawk reflected. "Go figure these tiny tweeters. They are always scared."

Haughty Hawk had also been scared as it grew up in the noisy city, with the Two-legged predators so nearby. But now that she was meditating and learning the Ways of the Warrior, she had chosen to live without fear. She had learned to empty her mind and visualize her desires, and she had grown strong and confident.

But the more confident Haughty Hawk grew, the louder Terrified Tweetie squeaked each time Hawk came close. She had managed to scare all the other birds, who disappeared the minute Haughty Hawk perched in any of the Ancient Trees around.

....

As you read the fable above, were you immediately sympathetic with the small bird, seeing her as the hero and hawk as the bad guy? That is our collective tendency. We instinctively seek justice. But we cannot make true justice if we confuse power with dominance. For if we do, we will be manipulated by those who play the victim and we will repel and punish those who stand in their power. This confusion is at the heart of toxic relationships.

Power as defined by our patriarchal system, is control and dominance. But that is only an illusion of power. When we believe this illusion, we reject power. When we reject power, we align ourselves with helplessness. We make those with personal power our enemies. We repel mentors, teachers and those friends and peers who assume their power.

When we align ourselves with powerlessness, we are afraid to speak with our voice of authority. We place an interrogation mark at the end of our declarations and beat around the bush to speak our truth. We constrict our bodies and our voices. We dream tiny and stay safely perched in our Comfort Zone. In other words, we become toxic to those who seek freedom, joy and growth.

If you have courageously stepped out of that Comfort Zone, you may unknowingly be facing peer pressure.

We tell our children not to give in to peer pressure. But many adults are clueless as to the level of peer pressure they carry on their Psychic Shoulders. As a result, they give in to peer pressure, betraying their Personal Dreams and their spiritual growth.

Children and teens are more direct in their peer pressure tactics. They may result to insults or name-calling. Adults are more subtle. Friends will distance themselves. Peers will murmur behind your back. Family members will close ranks and mount a campaign to wear or break you down. Because they know you well, they know your Breaking Points. They will go for these weak areas in your psyche. This emotional and psychic attack can undermine your motivation and your energy level.

When you feel that the people you love resist your growth or sabotage your dreams, you feel sad, betrayed, resentful, revengeful, angry and lonely. If you are afraid of confrontation and used to the lies of the dysfunctional family, you may join their betrayal by excusing their behavior and going back to your learned limits of perception.

Is it a wonder, then, that many of us go back on our personal growth and give up on our dreams?

If you dream big, you are big. Once you acknowledge your personal power and reclaim your personal authority, you soon find yourself among the Majestic Swans, the Great Eagles, the Master Hunter Hawks and Daring Crows.

Those whom you left behind will tweet loudly and persistently.

"Change back! Change back!" they will squeak.

Perhaps they will not be as raucous as Terrified Tweeter. Perhaps they will give you the silent treatment or the cold shoulder.

What will you do then? What have you done?

Have you given up on your new friends? Have you given up on your new dreams? Have you drowned your desires deep inside yourself? Have you gone back to the humdrum of a life without passion?

Here are three things you can do to deal effectively with the scared tweeters in your life.

1. Recognize the peer pressure tactics of the adults around you
2. Acknowledge your feelings and take time to grieve lost friends, betrayal, loneliness and any other feeling that saddens you.

3. Be firm, however, in your new boundaries, dreams and lifestyle.

4. Above all, do not allow the fear of those in your past to bring down your vibration.

To see the full illustrated story of Haughty Hawk and Terrified Tweeter and see more strategies to cope, visit the author’s blog at: http://dreamexpress.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/peer-pressure-and-toxic-rel...

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