Here's a common problem I see among my clients, and women in general.
I don't want to be pushy.
I don't want to toot my own horn.
The clients who tell me this are so worried about it, that they have fled in entirely the opposite direction and have become invisible.
Here's the problem invisibility poses for entrepreneurs: If no one knows what you offer or who you are or what you value, they can't become your clients (or your friends or trusted colleagues)!
Deeper and more insidiously, when you choose to become invisible, you're negating yourself. You are not honoring who you are and how very much you have to contribute!
If you're consistently making yourself invisible, you are saying: I don't think I'm worthy.And that is not a good feeling for anyone to have!
As a remedy to this, here are two points to remember:
1. If you are asking yourself "Am I being too pushy?", you are NEVER going to be pushy or boastful. People who are pushy or boastful are not asking themselves that question. They are typically either oblivious to the fact that they're pushy or they're consciously using that a sales strategy. No matter the reason for their pushiness, they are not worrying about it.
People who WORRY about perceived as pushy or boastful are an entirely different category of people. Instead of being oblivious to their effect on people, they're hyper-vigilant and constantly checking in with themselves about how people are responding to them. They're asking themselves questions like "Am I talking too much about myself?" or "Does my conversation partner feel like I'm pressuring them to make this sale?"
And they're committed to NEVER using pushiness as a sales strategy.
2. If you worry about being perceived as pushy, you probably are living in extremes. You fear one extreme: being pushy or boastful, so you run to the other extreme, of never speaking up and becoming invisible.
The sweet spot is in the middle! You are so familiar with the two extremes: one you live in and the other you worry about, that you're overlooking the WIDE MIDDLE GROUND.
Successful entrepreneurs live in that middle ground.
In the middle ground, you are able to speak confidently about your abilities and interests. You are comfortable stating what those are. You are comfortable hearing other people state what THEIR abilities and interests are. You recognize that this is factual information - it's not inflated and it's not inappropriate.
Also in the middle ground, you are comfortable sharing the product or service you offer. You understand when it's appropriate to discuss that, and when it's not. You are attentive to the responses of your conversation partner; you recognize when they're interested and when they're not.
You have a way of describing your offerings that ALLOWS and ENCOURAGES your prospects to tell you what they're thinking. That way, you always know what their reaction is, and whether they want more or not.
In the middle ground, you are proudly taking ownership of your power! When you're invisible, you're abandoning all your gifts by hiding them under a basket. Is that making the world a better place? Is that supporting your personal and professional growth? NO!
3. Your core issue is likely to be whether you feel you DESERVE to have attention paid to yourself and your work. If this is you, just pause here for a second and take a deep inhale and a long exhale....
If you grab a hold of this weed - this limiting belief that you'll come across as pushy when you discuss your work - and follow it back down below the ground into its root system, you're likely to come across a related belief.
One related belief is that you don't deserve the time and attention of other people. This can look like "I'm not an expert" or just be a deep feeling of unworthiness.
In my opinion, at the bottom of every feeling of "I don't deserve X or Y" is the root belief "I don't deserve to be fully loved." That belief will prevent you from fully expressing your authentic self. It will also ensure that you won't fully experience the success you are capable of in your business.
CALL TO ACTION
If you recognize yourself in this article, then you are being presented with the opportunity to do some of the most meaningful work of your life - the opportunity to shift from ignoring or compensating for your underlying feelings of not-enoughness and the opportunity to GROW upwards and out of that spot. Your miracle is waiting for you on the flip side of your obstacle.
Marcy Stahl’s passion is helping women direct sellers and solopreneurs achieve the successful lifestyle they want.
She knows that the top entrepreneurs have the top mindsets. Her mission is to help every entrepreneur develop a profitable and abundant mindset.
Marcy is a serial entrepreneur. Previously, she co-founded and managed a government contracting firm that earned over $1M in annual revenues. She holds a B.S. with honors and M.S. in Computer Science from George Mason University. Prior to coaching, she spent 21 years in the corporate world in technology.
She is the co-author of Direct Selling Power. Marcy is an Area Chapter Coordinator with the Direct Selling Women’s Alliance (DSWA) and a member of the Direct Selling Women’s Speaker Bureau. She’s currently in coaching school for direct sellers.