“Change,” “growth,” “learning,” and “self-discovery” are all terms that signify the same process. When you change and grow, you begin acting differently and are seen by others as a new person. You must encourage the old you to step down and allow the new you to blossom and take its place.

Attitudes that Lead to Failure

Certain attitudes hinder making these changes. Recognizing that you have these attitudes and then concentrating more strongly on those that support your making the necessary changes will go a long way towards being able to stay in the right frame of mind for you to create the new, more self-assured person you desire to be.

The first attitude that hinders change is unfamiliarity with the new way to be. You’re comfortable being who you are and it’s too difficult, too much trouble, too scary to change. Even if it’s not in your best interest, you’ll continue to act in ways that are known and habitual to you. You’ve been like this since childhood. Why make changes now?

Another attitude that retards change is fear. First, there’s the fear of failure to become the person you desire to be. There’s no reason to try if all you’re going to do is fail. Second, there’s the fear of success. If you’re successful, people will expect you to be self-confident all the time, and you’ll only disappoint them. Better not even try so they don’t see what a failure you’ll be.

The third attitude that will keep you from becoming self-confident is that you can’t think, feel and act differently. You’ve always been like you’ve believed yourself to be, and there’s no use trying to be any different. And even if you are successful, you know something will ruin it. When you slip up, this means you were never meant to be self-confident. If you are self-assured sometimes, it’s only because of luck.

Attitudes that Lead to Success

Being willing to make the changes that are required is all important. This is the bridge between recognizing there’s an issue and attempting to transform it. You also need to be willing to step back from yourself and observe your feelings, thoughts, and actions.

A second attitude that supports change is the desire to change. While willingness gets you started on the road to change, desire makes you want to change. Willingness represents the mind; desire represents the heart. When the going gets tough, when you want to revert back to your old familiar self, it’s your desire to keep going that will carry you onward.

Having faith in yourself that you can change and the openness to learning the skills you need to be more self-confident will keep you more amenable to making changes.

Once you’ve decided to become more self-confident, keeping a constant focus on making the needed changes and making it a priority in your life will make it actually happen. Think about the new you when you wake up, as you go throughout your day, as you evaluate what happened during the day, and as the last thing you think about at night.

Giving yourself compassion and encouragement is essential as your new self is created. This is unknown territory, and it may feel awkward at times. It may even be painful at times.

Being excited about becoming a self-confident, stronger person who has more control over your life and who is much more satisfied and successful will help sustain you throughout the process of transformation.

Lastly, having appreciation that you’re ready to change, for the work you put into becoming more self-confident, and for how good you feel about yourself as you think, feel and act in a way that adds value to your life.

Exercise

Make a list of each of the attitudes that lead to both success or failure with some space between each one. Then write about how you have had this attitude in the past and/or currently have this attitude. If it’s one that will lead to failure, write what you will modify your thinking to in order to be more positive about making changes to your self-confidence.

Author's Bio: 

Vivian Harte is the co-author of Self-Esteem for Dummies in the Dummies series. She has helped over 12,000 people learn and use assertiveness skills during the last 14 years. She teaches online classes on assertiveness, self-confidence, and teamwork. She has a Bachelors degree in Sociology and a Masters degree in Public Administration. She taught college classes for many years in Tucson, Arizona. She has two grown children who are both successful. She lives in Tucson with her husband, three dogs and two cats.

She offers three online courses and 1-on-1 coaching, and you can find out more about these at her website, self-esteem-for-me.com. Discover how to change your thoughts into positive and uplifting self-talk in her online course Transform Your Self-Talk to Stay Positive.