Do you know how to discern when someone is being transparent and authentic and when they are being duplicitous?
We seem to be living in a time when authenticity and transparency are not highly valued. We have only to look at government and many government agencies such as the FDA, politics, the military, big corporations, some religious leaders, drug companies, insurance companies and the media to see that manipulation and lies are the norm. Many of us have naturally come to mistrust much of what is being said in the media.
People become inauthentic when they have something to hide, and they are transparent when they are coming from integrity.
How can you know when someone is being authentic and transparent, or lying and manipulating? The answer is to learn to trust your feelings.
I rarely watch presidential debates because I can feel how much lying and manipulating is going on. I can’t stand watching commercials – especially food and drug commercials – for the same reason. Same with a lot of the news. I get a yucky, creepy feeling in my body that feels so bad I have to not listen.
Obviously, the intent to control is far more important to all these people and organizations than the intent to be loving to themselves and others. I often wonder - how can they live with themselves? It’s so obvious that power and greed have taken them over and they have completely lost touch with their loving essence. Perhaps they even believe they are being loving to themselves by trying to control everything and everyone.
Having worked with some of these people, I know that they are not happy, peaceful people. Their inner emptiness is so huge that they have to get more and more stuff and attention to stave off their pain. A friend of mine recently worked with a well-known financial success guru. He had been very excited to be hired to work with him, and I was interested in hearing how it went. “It was a disaster,” he told me over lunch. “The guy has no depth at all. Everything about him is superficial. He couldn’t take any of my suggestions due to his ego. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.”
Interesting. Many people I know have taken this man’s workshops, but I’ve never been drawn to do so, because his energy in his videos has felt awful to me. I’m so glad I trusted myself!
There is an energy – a frequency - to authenticity, transparency and integrity that feels clean and light. There is also a frequency to inauthenticity. Sometimes it’s hard to feel it because the person may be very charismatic and sound so sincere. This is why it is very important to move beyond the external and let yourself be aware of the feelings in your body. Since people cannot hide their intent, if you trust your feelings you will be able to pick up the frequency of manipulation and duplicity. When watching politicians, I can hear my inner Guidance saying things like, “He gives me the heebie jeebies.” “Her energy makes me sick.” “Oh Yuck!” (My inner Guidance doesn’t mince words!)
On the other hand, when I feel tingles and shivers, I know that I’m hearing the truth. I also feel an expansiveness inside when someone is being authentic, as opposed to the constriction I often feel when someone is being inauthentic.
I have a much harder time picking all this up when it is someone I believe I know well and care for. This is likely challenging for all of us. When you love someone and connect with their essence, it’s often hard to be aware of when they are in their ego wounded self, being manipulative and deceitful. Sometimes we need others who are not so involved to help with this.
I encourage everyone to work towards trusting your feelings about others, as well as becoming truly authentic and transparent yourselves. It’s a much easier way to live than trying to hide.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!