Reestablishing two way communication following infidelity is vital. There is no real marriage should the two of you are merely speaking with one another about family activities. Although this is definitely important it should not be the sole item keeping the spousal relationship together.
A major piece of that communication of course has to be honesty. Your unfaithful mate told enough lies while they were carrying on an extramarital relationship. If the relationship is to be rebuilt then truthfulness has to be first and foremost. No more lying by actual words or through omission.
But even with this you have to be careful. While truth is most certainly the very best course of action, pursuing it at all cost can lead to more problems. The fact is when through incorrectly truthfulness can damage the relationship permanently.
1. Communication Overload
You elect to engage in a frank conversation with your unfaithful husband or wife concerning the specifics of the extramarital relationship. You are doing this to help you through the recovery stage. So your spouse starts discussing the details in a very explicit fashion. It's not long before the anger inside of you starts coming to the surface.
The narrative gets too much to bear and the next thing you know a full blooded explosion has occurred. Your rage has been unleashed and the two of you start quarreling almost nonstop. After things have subsided you come to the conclusion that the marital relationship is finished. Or at the very least you stay together yet from now on it will be like living with a total stranger.
If you want to learn the graphic particulars of their cheating then you must be ready to call time and walk away for a bit. Getting it in small measures could save you a great deal of stress. You're already under a lot of pressure you do not need to contribute to it any more than what's currently there. Also keep in mind you don't always have to know the candid particulars of an extramarital affair in order to start the healing phase. It is sometimes advisable to not learn too much.
2. Using Truthfulness Like A Weapon
Following an affair you believe it's your right to be judge and jury. And oh boy do you exercise that right. You commence using the truth on your mate just like a blunt instrument. No matter the topic you take the opening to explain to your spouse all the things that are wrong with them. From something they mentioned years ago to irritating habits which you kept quiet about for years.
It is not long before your husband or wife comes to the conclusion that two people can do this and before either of you realize it truth grenades are now being hurled at each other fast and furious.
That is definitely no way to heal after infidelity. To remain in the relationship takes honesty but when there is absolutely no sense of proportion to it you might as well stop fooling yourself and begin the divorce proceedings right now. Honesty is meant to restore the marital relationship not to result in even more pain compared to what you already have.
To learn more concerning coping with unfaithfulness go to survive infidelity in marriage