Birthmoms: Do They Have The Right To Search?by Pat Burns

Being a birthmom myself, this is an issue that is near and dear to my heart. I spent many years feeling that I did not have the right to search for my son.

When the social worker at the adoption agency told me that by signing the relinquishment papers I was giving up my right to ever have my son in my life again, I believed her. Emotionally, I tucked my son away in a corner of my mind, and only acknowledged him when he snuck out for birthdays, holidays or other special occasions. For me, and for many other birthmoms, searching was a non-issue.

What turned the tide for me was attending a conference of the American Adoption Congress. It was amazing. For the first time ever, I spoke with other birthmoms about my experience. I spoke with adoptees. I interacted in mixed groups, and came away from the conference a changed person.

Most of the other birthmoms encouraged me to search. They assured me that I DID have the right, now that my son was an adult.

The biggest difference for me, though, was what the adult adoptees had to say. To a person, their message was the same. SEARCH!!! You have the right! You have important information for your son. Your son may be hoping that you search. If I were your son, I’d want you to be searching for me.

The message was loud and clear. The past is the past. Today your son is an adult. You have much to share with him, and he has much to share with you. Don’t waste another day worrying about whether you have the right — get out there NOW and search!

My message to you is the same. You may have been told that you didn’t have the right either. If your son or daughter is grown, and your heart tells you to search, follow your heart, and you may find a happy ending one of these days.


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