***Christmas Fear

By Teagin Maddox, the Official Guide to Domestic Violence

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Fear will cause us to find empathy, trust, and a soft heart in place of creating something new when everyone else is following tradition. Mastering your self-talk in spite of the subconscious programming of the season takes effort, and awareness--if you waiver and think of going back into a bad relationship over the holidays, your greatest gift to yourself this season needs to be awareness.

Fear will work overtime to keep you stuck during the holiday season. Longing for togetherness and wanting to live out that perfect holiday fantasy allows loneliness and the fear of being alone to entice us right back to what we knew before, even if what we knew before was wrong, bad, or painful. Our subconscious mind can work overtime during this time of year, and it can drive our choices. Squeeze the essence out of that aloneness you are feeling or that difficulty you are experiencing; confront your thinking and accept that fear is part of the transition process. Don’t allow it to pull you backwards after you already know to go forward, into the unknown space where you really belong. Move on with confidence--even if you have to fake it, even though you long for something that appears to be right in front of you--that something comes with a conditional hook and you must remember that.

When you feel weak and want to act on your sentimentality (one of those traits that trap women) remind yourself to only focus on things that make you stronger. Notice the shift in your thinking from being realistic, to viewing the season or the man through sentimental eyes, then go back to the thoughts you had before the desire for that perfect holiday crept in. Think past the immediate moment or fantasy. What was the thought before that moment? Write it down. Go back to it repeatedly, every time you feel that urge to create something out of nothing, every time you want to pretend that everything is okay, read it aloud. That will keep you focused on truth, on reality, and in awareness--which is a learned skill that takes time to develop, so be patient with yourself and expect thinking and reasoning hurdles.

As you learn to ignore that little voice in your head and start to use fear or sadness to practice awareness, you will break cycles and create new traditions; you change according to what you know now. Take the awareness and USE it for a new Christmas fantasy; happy holidays!