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Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution
What is the relationship between communication types and conflict resolution?
There are 4 types of communication: Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive.
You've heard of words like: manipulative, cynical, explosive, self-pitying, helpless, hostile, preachy, sarcastic, and condescending.
All of those words are they way we describe people we don't like, or how we describe types of communication.
PASSIVE communication self-pitying, self-punishing, inhibited, self-denying, retreating, unresponsive, helpless, and withdrawn, We describe these people as crying, apologetic doormats who have poor eye contact, and who give up like martyrs. These people typically defer to someone else, setting aside their own thoughts and feelings.
AGGRESSIVE communication pushy, rude, bossy, hostile, preachy, contemptuous, and mean. We describe these people as dominating, overbearing, thoughtless, inconsiderate bullies who invade, belittle, and threaten others. These folks only want the communication to go one-way.
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE communication resentful, bitter, malicious, indignant, phony, indirect, cynical, and two-faced. These individuals are manipulative, gossipy, devious, bullies who speak with double messages. They hide their intentions and mislead others in order to have control.
ASSERTIVE communication real, honest, well-bodied, appropriate, open, confident, and expressive. Assertive people openly express thoughts and feelings. They are able to flexibly explore and create alternatives. These folks understand the importance of personal rights withing all of their relationships.
So, how does one's communication help with conflict resolution?
Well, one can learn to settle disagreements with out hurting others, without going against your beliefs, and without fleeing. In conflict resolution, assertive communication is essential. There are 2 types: Negotiation (both parties work it out together); and Mediation (a third party assists in resolving the problem). Mediators can't be directly involved---they must be neutral.
Reasons/causes of Conflict can be:
prejudice and discrimination
bullying
jealousy
failed relationships (friendships or romantic relationships)
gossip
fear
confusion
people having differing opinions
How can problems be resolved?
First, everyone must be calm. Cool off. Stop the arguing immediately.
Next, the problem must be stated/described. Both parties must be given an opportunity to speak.
Separate feelings/emotions from facts.
Think of possible solutions.
What are the possible outcomes of the solutions? What may happen? Who will be affected?
Choose a solution and follow-through.
If one solution does not work, try another one on the list.
Most of all, FORGIVE EACH OTHER! Shake hands, apologize.
What are the elements of communication that are involved in Conflict Resolution?
Engage in active listening.
Be sure that you understand what is being said. Use reflective statements. Ask questions.
Be respectful of other opinions.
Be assertive. Use "I-statements".
What are some good anger management techniques?
exercise
meditation
relaxation exercises
counseling
talking to a friend or someone you trust
talking to your doctor to rule-out any medical issues
What are the benefits of Conflict Resolution?
You will feel good about yourself because it was not necessary to go against your beliefs.
You won't have to retreat/back down.
No one will be hurt physically or emotionally.
And if there's a conflict between friends, you can maintain your friendship!
Erin A. Alexander has been a Licensed Therapist since 2003 and a clinical Supervisor since 2006. She is currently supervising two interns who graduated from UTSA. Ms. Alexander also obtained a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a Master's Degree in Counseling/Educational Psychology from UTSA, and she is currently an active member of the UTSA Alumni Association, and a mentor for counseling students at UTSA.
Ms. Alexander has acquired more that 15 years of experience working with children and families in some capacity, including the areas of case management, crisis intervention, assessment, and counseling. Her areas of specialty are working with adolescents and young adults with life transitional issues, and couples with unresolved conflict.
Ms. Alexander has a desire to become more proficient in relationship coaching, so she is obtaining her PhD. She would like to participate in many independent study projects that will benefit couples and singles. She would like to focus some of her research on the impact that social networking has on healthy relationships.
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