Communication Style: Is Yours Hurting or Helping You?

By Kimberly Schenk

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What's your communication style like? Are you combative? Argumentative? Wimpy? Tongue tied? Do you convey clear messages that accomplish your goals? Do you antagonize people? Do people avoid you or shut you out because they can't stand to listen to you? Are you frustrated with your results? Are you ready to acknowledge that how you say things is just as important (if not more so) as the words you use? Do you want to be a more effective communicator?

There's hope for sure! When you take responsibility for how people respond to you, you're on the fast track to improving your life. Communicating well is a whole lot of fun! When people take the steps to improve their own skills the immediate positive results they experience is motivation enough to keep using effective communication techniques.

Let's face it, 'communication skills' as a topic sounds boring! As a self proclaimed champion of great communication skills I sometimes find it disheartening how uninterested people are about this subject. I can only say that as soon as they begin using effective communication techniques, the impact on their lives is so dramatic, they become 'believers' too.

Here's a secret. How we convey a message is important. Creating clear messages, with the outcome we'd like to see, at the center of that message, will produce the results we're after, over and over. When we sprinkle negative words or negative habits into our messages, we reduce the likelihood of getting what we want. “Hey Stupid, pass the salt.” Does this message make you want to pass the salt? Of course not.

Millions of people foil their own efforts to get what they want from others until they recognize how they alone are causing their own problems! When it comes to communication, replacing ineffective communication techniques with effective communication tools will work miracles.

“Don't slam the door!” This message places the image of 'slamming the door' in the mind of the listener. If you say, “Please, close the door gently, the baby is sleeping”, a completely different image comes to mind. Guess which one will achieve the desired result?

There's a way to get more of your needs met every day. Use positive communication tools to create clear messages. Delete the non-productive, or negative aspects of your message.

Create a constructive 'back up' message in case your first message bombs. Pay attention to your tone of voice. If your tone is negative; judgmental, scolding, pompous, shaming, sarcastic, too parental, etc. your listener may tune out before you finish your sentence.

Mixing positive techniques with negative techniques produces mixed results. This stuff has elements of pure genius! Do you agree? If you want a more productive, happy life learn 10 positive communication skills before you do anything else. Seriously.