Dating Divorced Men ~ The Real Mission Impossible? PART II

Dating Divorced Men ~ The Real Mission Impossible? PART II

In Part I we talked about three key elements for women to consider when dating a divorced man.
As the Heart Protector of Women, let me remind you that before allowing him to participate in any “undercover operations”, you must determine if he is the one worthy of your time, attention and affections. So let’s pick up where we left off:

4. Does He Have a Swiss Bank Account?
Don’t all secret agents have Swiss bank accounts? Seriously though, does he have a financial plan to take him into the future with stability or will you be the one paying for everything the duration of the relationship? If he has Child Support and/or Alimony payments is he aggressive enough in the work arena to handle that and create a future with you? Are his wages being garnished for Child Support? If so, this could be a red flag that he is the type that avoids financial responsibility. Money isn’t everything but it does play a critical role in the demise of many marriages.

5. Be Stealth and Steady
If the man in question seems to be a good fit for you be careful to not try to rush the relationship. He needs to be the man in charge. He needs to be the one to set the pace. He needs to win you over and embrace the chase. Maintain an air of secrecy that entices him. He does not need to know every detail of every conversation or episode of your past. Seduction comes in the form of not showing everything. Sexy is drawing him to you, not charging after him.

6. Assassinate the Green Monster Early
Jealousy is not attractive on anyone, nor is it an enjoyable emotion by any stretch of the imagination. If you feel threatened in the relationship by his past or comments he makes, the best thing to do is to recognize what you are feeling before it festers and explodes later. Make the time to address the feelings with him explaining what you think may have been the trigger and see if he is compassionate enough to walk through the dialogue with you and resolve the issue. If he defaults into blaming you for feeling that way or attacking you as if something is wrong with you, take heed to those warning signs and know that it may be time to disengage. On the other hand if he is the one experiencing jealousy, you be the one to comfort, assure and converse. Exposing the green monster is half the battle. Pretending jealousy is not really there will only fuel imaginations that will steal from your vitality and intimacy.

7. Attitude or Arrogance?
I knew of a guy once who had been married for years before he was finally confronted by his wife. She asked him why he never apologized to her. His response: “Because I’m never wrong. If I was ever wrong I would apologize”. You may have laughed at this comment, but he was dead serious. (And yes they did divorce) It’s okay to analyze attitude. If the man you are considering for a relationship has a healthy attitude it will show itself in a very positive manner. He will look for ways to encourage you. He will be quick to cheer you on in your work, passions and talents. If he is arrogant, he will be looking for you to be his cheering section. In fact he may demand it.
He may hold true to the ideas I mentioned earlier in this section similar to that of the husband who thought he was never wrong. In this case you may want to re-think the process and decide if you want to be the one to teach him about owning up to his mistakes, asking for forgiveness and being man enough to confess wrong-doing or bad attitudes before being called on the carpet. And really, who has time for that?

Dating a divorced man can be a wonderful adventure as well, especially if he has grown through his mistakes, is quick to forgive and wants to be your rock, your protector and your best friend. He may have had a rough go of it in the past, but if he is emotionally ready for intimacy and commitment this could be the perfect timing for the two of you. After you have done your surveillance work you be the one to decide if the mission is really possible after all.